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My experience with racism in India and USA
 This is w.r.t this post calling Americans racist. I wanted to share with you my experiences on racism. From the day i was born, my mom tried different oils, lotions to change my skin color. Everyone ridiculed my mom for giving birth to a dark girl. Everyone told her it would be difficult to find a groom for her as she is very dark. This would trouble my mom and she tried everything to change my skin color. I was born intelligent. I topped most of the competitions at school. I was a good orator. When i was in my 4th grade, my teacher told me she could not give me the role of cinderalla for our school day function as i was dark and they wanted a fair skinned girl. They chose a fair cinderalla over me who could not even deliver her lines. I went home heartbroken. The next year i was chosen for a dance performance for a school show. One of the teachers asked me to not stand in the front row as i was dark and they wanted pretty girls in the front. I was asked to move back. Imagine what a 5th grader would have gone through. Anyways as i turned into a teenager, my confidence was at rock bottom. I was dark you see. That is like almost the end of the world you see. I tried all sorts of things only to realize nothing in this world can change your skin color. I kind of got used to people calling me dark. At 20 i got admission at a very prestigious university in US for higher studies. I landed here. Out in US, not one single day was i told i was dark. Everyone around me were so appreciative of my other skills apart from my skin color. I met a very handsome guy whom i started dating. My confidence slowly built up thanks to this guy . I am soon going to marry him. In US I was never told a single day by anyone that i was dark. Infact a white girls came to me and once complimented me for my healthy skin. I am not making this up BTW. The reason i wrote this was because i saw so many comments here saying Americans are racist. Hell no. We Indians are the most racist people in the world, we dont realize it. In US there are laws against racism. In India there is not one single law that will protect a dark skinned girl from being ridiculed. It is just accepted as being OK to say you are dark. So people before you comment saying she is dark and ugly- think of what you will be doing to the 100s of girls in india who are dark skinned. You will be shattering their egos, bruising their self confidence and they will be scarred for life. Today I work as a developer at google . I consider myself beautiful and am very confident. It took me years to realize that self-confidence comes from within.
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You made my confidence higher in school I get bulled for being dark skinned!
Tue, 2010-08-03 01:53 — Anonymous: good luck and hope you meet your soul-mate, no matter what color she is. best wishes.
Is it just me or there are other Indian males out there who are attracted only to a Dark skinned Indian girl? Btw I am considered Gora by Indian standards. My mom gave up selecting fair girls for me. She last week said, go get yourself a dark skinned girl. Is this some kind of skin colour fetish I have? I am not attracted to fair ones at all. ewww
**ATTENTION:
Pls sign the petition to bar any racial facebook advertisers from using the site and let advertisers know that we as Indians do not approve of it:
http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/vaselines_face-whitening_facebo...
As desi Indians, we can now sign a petition to protest face lightening products which actively promote lack of self-acceptance of color:
http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/vaselines_face-whitening_facebo...
we'll be on the lookout for your blog, darknlovely. .
keep in touch...
Sun, 2010-07-25 08:41 — Anonymous, Join an NGO, start an online petition- raising awareness has never been easier. Start easy. I have boycotted watching movies that :
where is this online petition ppl can join?
amazing post!!!
your story made a positive difference. :)
swm looking for swf... (most common dating ad in the U.S. white male looking for white female).
the reality is yes, America is amazingly forward in tolerance (and deserves a lot of credit for it),, but when it comes to having ''types/attractions'- like the rest of the world, everyone has their 'own type' and each culture has one 'ideal'. In the U.S., the main preference for WASPS is still the Caucasion blonde/blue-eyed & tall (now studies show brunettes and blondes have equal preference, but people are still attracted to blue eyes more..). and that is fine to have preferences, so long as it does not turn to discrimination or looking down on anyone race or color. with the advent of education for women, all over the globe, ppl want brains/career with that on the side...
It is important to have positive sterotypes of all colors on the media (movies, tv, etc.). and yes, while Hollywood is FAB at giving women of color roles (much more than Bollywood), Zoe and Halle and 'top stars' of color still complain that they face color barriers in getting roles, similar to the darker lovely stars of Bollywood. (( By the way, some Bollywood producers .. ie. Sanjay Gupta, etc. are promoting the tanned look. S. Reddy, etc. Also, Mr. Gupta took Bipasha as a role of a Kashmir girl in upcoming Lamhaa-- despite protests that he should have taken a fairer one since Kashmir girls are fairer... ))
while India does not have actual race names based on colors, it too is a mixture of different races (India thousands of years ago.. was part of Africa and branched off... and now is a part of Asia.. many Caucasion invasions of natives resulted in this mixed race -- blessed with all different colors and shapes , which gives the people their DIVERSE beauty). yes, the color movement should take shape-- so that everyone learns that true beauty ultimately is inner.
Hi Darknlovely,
thx for saying your story. surely, you will help some girl out there facing lookism (whatever.. overwight, short, dark, etc.) that may 'limit' her. you have increased the curiosity of who are you among all our friends here. are you a regular pinkvilla visitor.. or is this your first time? who are you favorite stars, by the way? the photo up there you selected for this post ( a very white North Asian) is curious.. why? put up your photos (unless you are shy.. then don't).
This is w.r.t this post calling Americans racist. -> was this in direct response to the Indian-American's community reaction to Joel Stein? who/when/where called Americans racist? what prompted you?
Lucky you, working on Google developer.. maybe you might not know, but it is the cream of the crop in the U.S. to work there. cheers.
yeah i agree with u, i had same problem ,now i m in usa an americsns find me beatiful
Sun, 2010-07-25 12:55 — Anonymous :
u are not if you have a preference for a physical trait in dating, and yet see and treat all colors as equal in full aspects. in this case, ppl with darker tones are affect in all aspects of their life (feeling lesser worth). do you make male and female friends of all colors and treat them all with respect?
however, if do if you associate a certain physicial trait with AUTOMATIC unattractiveness (ie. like Sat, 2010-07-24 20:30 ), then you do. do you try to see the beauty in all (even if you have a preference and attraction to one type?). for instance, u say "honestly guys look for looks " : this is universal and fine. however, when an entire society blocks out beautiful looks because a melanin count of certain people is higher, you do have to acknowledge that preferences are a product of your culture.
Good movie plot.....
Hey,
Have to say "Hats Off to you". I dont know you or anything as such. But i am literally going through something at the moment. i just came to realise how people really treat in India .. hmm
It takes a long time to heal things as such. Good on you that you got out of it. God bless You and Congratulations on your Marriage.
Luv
Susan J.
to the anon commented - to darknlovely -- you are dark - you suffered , that is the reason you on side of darker people - trust me if u were born beautiful - you would have never inclined towards dark
good save you. people who make such statements usually have problems in other walks of life as well.
You can start doing something about it by not watching bollywood films that whiten up brown skinned r/actresses, which basically means 99% of bollywood films.
Even if the films cast brown skinned actresses like Deepika, Priyanka, Bipasha, Sonam ......they are whitened up to look as non brown as possible. Even the actors look white skinned.
The only Indian actor with white skin in real life is Nitin Neil Mukesh. All the other actors have brown skin.
i am 28 year male looking for alliance. honestly guys look for looks as the first thing in a girl. as in there should be some attraction to start off. i frankly find fair looking girls more prettier than dark skinned just like i like blue over pink. am i being racist?
Satyam Shivam Sundaram --> The film has dual message, one, the apparent human ugliness and the inner beauty.
--> this film should be a REQUIREMENT for anyone trying to combat or understand racism (and the implications that only outer beauty was a sign of inner goodness...)
Seems like we're never going to agree on the nature of this problem, but all of us do acknowledge that this is a problem right? We all have a problem with it and take the time to come on here, show our smarts and comment. But how many of us actually "do" something about it.
Join an NGO, start an online petition- raising awareness has never been easier.
Start easy. I have boycotted watching movies that have any actors/actresses that endorse fairness creams, and honestly I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. It's all crap anyway.
If you have Twitter account, tweet to your favorite movie star about this issue. Start a dialog, it's never been easier!
"Sun, 2010-07-25 01:10 — Anonymous Why make such a hullabo about it?! "
because when preference changes to discrimination, which she has faced and many darker members of society have faced.. it should be made into a hullabo. aren't you glad the 1960's civil rights movement made a hullabo.. if you are a person of color.. so you could sit in a bus anywhere in the U.S.?
Hello Everyone,
For anyone who wants to explore how our perception of beauty defines and limits us, please take a look at this profound Hindi film (sub-titles included in many DVD). It is a classic exploration of beauty (a man falls in love with a beautiful voice of a girl he has never seen.. and a once beautiful girl who is disfigured due to an accident).
A profound film, overlooked and under-rated: Satyam Shivam Sundaram
Satyam Shivam Sundaram (meaning, "Truth is God and God is beautiful") is a 1978, Raj Kapoor-directed film starring Shashi Kapoor and Zeenat Aman.
Sat, 2010-07-24 20:30 — Anonymous --> you are dark - you suffered , that is the reason you on side of darker people - trust me if u were born beautiful - you would have never inclined towards dark. -->
what a sad ignorant comment!!!! 'if you were born beautiful'.. have you seen her photo?? how do you know she's not pretty? so she says she's dark so she's automatically UGLY??? THIS IS THE EXACT THING A NUMBER OF US DESIS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU IGNORANT PEOPLE. BEAUTY COMES IN ALL COLORS. LEARN IT.
Sat, 2010-07-24 15:19 — Anonymous -> that's good, many are doing that.. but how is that going to stop the discrimination against dark ppl though?
looks like all the ppl in pinkvilla who went 'brown girls are all jealous of the fairer ones' have disappeared... and in their place is a bunch of fake bloggers pretending there is no racism in India or America anywhere.
Thu, 2010-07-22 19:58 — Anonymous--> and ppl don't hand Christmas chocolates to colleagues?? she is not handing them to her managers.. but to her cube-mates. and that is wonderful.
Indian sweets are one of the national treasures of India-- natural and incredibly beautiful. work of art in tastes and looks can't compare to the frou frou pastries they boast of. what a wonderful thing that she was trying to share that! if ppl throw it away or a Joel Stein laments a sweet shop has replaced his little 5-and dime store, it's their loss. we should respect and honor all cultures, but we should respect our own too. it's like the WASPS complaining about pizza when the Italians came to the shores.. thankfully, most accepted the pizza and it's a national treasure. imagine what would have happened if they had thrown away the pizza...
self-hate only drives hates towards others. self-acceptance produces tolerance for all.
Sat, 2010-07-24 20:30 — Anonymous -> beauty attracts, who says no?? obviously the guy is attracted to you also and thinks dusky is pretty to him. ((i.e beauty is a set of ideals DEVELOPED in the brain from childhood, not strict laws).
Mon, 2010-07-19 17:51 — darknlovely --> Hello there, dark and lovely and intelligent gal,
keep up the good work. tell your story. every one of us Indian desis who has experienced this, has a story to tell.
today, the world gets smalller technology, the movers and shakers which are the media and the critics can be reached easily. we need to tell producers that the heros/heroines should be of all different colors to accurately reflect our population color. the politicans need to be aware, as does the educational system. all on twitter (in India, that would be the Bachchans, Shobha De, producers, writers, politicians, education comittees, etc.). you can twitter and email them.
many won't listen and many will resist (status quo).. some may even blame you. that is exactly what happened during the 1960's civil movement. but the TRUTH is like a small seed. just one little seed blossoms to a beautiful culture after much toiling-- that blossom happened beautifully in many places in America. there are incredible blossoms in India too.. but the color movement and economic freedom NEEDS to blossom now...
pls start a blog called darknlovely.com where females of all colors, shapes, races and sizes and come and get together to talk and learn about self-acceptance and deal with personal racism and/or lookism. a loving understanding blog, not a judgemental one. if you went through something , imagine if some girl can come and chat about a terrible day when she faced something (perhaps feeling left out for her dark skin), and realize there is a world out there who values her for her heart!! that is the heart movement!
Hello, Sat, 2010-07-24 20:30 — Anonymous
"to darknlovely -- you are dark - you suffered , that is the reason you on side of darker people - trust me if u were born beautiful - you would have never inclined towards dark" -->
--> that's the ENTIRE POINT of her post. of course, she is using her experience to show what happened.. why not? that's what we all should do. there are some we know who are light-eyed desis who are also moved by the color movement of India. and yes, who denied that beauty does not attract? of course it does. but the laws of beauty is defined by society.. let's think about it:
why are you associating dark with ugly and fair with pretty?? it is society/internal programming which creates this block for you: dark=ugly. think about it. How about if one assoicates this with you, which actually happened or is happening to society:
BLUE EYES=BEAUTY (so brown eyes is not pretty).
BLONDE HAIR=BEAUTY (so brown or black hair is not pretty).
this would probably wipe out Monica Belluci or Sonali Bendre (dark hair and eyes), whom we all clearly think as very beautiful. As Ms. Belluci herself profoundly states, beauty has no laws. In today's world, we can find the dark beauty of Nandita Das shockingly beautiful as well as the fairer Aishwarya's to the fairest Christy Brinkely. that is the rainblow culture !
and p.s. DROP THE HYPE...
This is NOT to put down Darknlovley's very REAL discrimation issue of dark skin. In fact, this is one of the reasons dark is the lowest strata of the society.
but for the elders grooming their child to get married and using whatever beauty ideals the society holds to groom their child to increase their surivival chances, it is not so simple to judge them. India's economy MUST IMPROVE. If everyone has an education and a job, finally intelligence will be the key in combating racism in India too!!! Once the voiceless, poor and 'mindless' have jobs, they speak and show their heart: the entire world no longer sees their color.
remember people , when comparing India and a very rich nation like America--
if one is poor in India, there is NO WELFARE... and for God's sake, it is hell out there for the people in the streets. To survive, the poor of India don't care if they are black, white, green, red or purple. Where is everyone's heart in the world now-- on the skin surface??? Even many educated males (& esp females) there are jobless on the whole. The one bright thing in India growing (outsourcing, call centers)-- is being lambased the world over by rich nations. Before all the finger pointing at vanity, please realize the economics of this incredibly powerful potential of a nation.
BEFORE YOU JUDGE A WHOLE NATION FOR BEING VAIN, REALIZE THAT OFTEN BEAUTY (HUMAN, ANIMAL, PLANT.. FLOWER.. )... IS NATURE'S SURVIVAL TOOL SIMPLY TO FIND A MATE AND REPRODUCE (survivability). GRANTED, THERE MANY ARE FASHIONISTAS FOR VANITY ALONE (upper middle class to rich in India), BUT MANY ARE SIMPLY BEAUTIFYING THEMSELVES TO SOCIETY'S 'SICK' NORMS (IE. FAIR, LONG HAIR, ETC. ETC.)-- SIMPLY TO FIND A MATE AND INCREASE THEIR SURVIVAL CHANCES. IF THE ENTIRE SOCIETY CHANGED THEIR BEAUTY IDEAL TO BLACK INSTEAD OF WHITE, AND GROOMS WERE DEMANDANDING THAT, YOU CAN BET THEY WOULD BE GROOMING FOR THAT.
DROP THE HYPE, THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS...