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My experience with racism in India and USA
 This is w.r.t this post calling Americans racist. I wanted to share with you my experiences on racism. From the day i was born, my mom tried different oils, lotions to change my skin color. Everyone ridiculed my mom for giving birth to a dark girl. Everyone told her it would be difficult to find a groom for her as she is very dark. This would trouble my mom and she tried everything to change my skin color. I was born intelligent. I topped most of the competitions at school. I was a good orator. When i was in my 4th grade, my teacher told me she could not give me the role of cinderalla for our school day function as i was dark and they wanted a fair skinned girl. They chose a fair cinderalla over me who could not even deliver her lines. I went home heartbroken. The next year i was chosen for a dance performance for a school show. One of the teachers asked me to not stand in the front row as i was dark and they wanted pretty girls in the front. I was asked to move back. Imagine what a 5th grader would have gone through. Anyways as i turned into a teenager, my confidence was at rock bottom. I was dark you see. That is like almost the end of the world you see. I tried all sorts of things only to realize nothing in this world can change your skin color. I kind of got used to people calling me dark. At 20 i got admission at a very prestigious university in US for higher studies. I landed here. Out in US, not one single day was i told i was dark. Everyone around me were so appreciative of my other skills apart from my skin color. I met a very handsome guy whom i started dating. My confidence slowly built up thanks to this guy . I am soon going to marry him. In US I was never told a single day by anyone that i was dark. Infact a white girls came to me and once complimented me for my healthy skin. I am not making this up BTW. The reason i wrote this was because i saw so many comments here saying Americans are racist. Hell no. We Indians are the most racist people in the world, we dont realize it. In US there are laws against racism. In India there is not one single law that will protect a dark skinned girl from being ridiculed. It is just accepted as being OK to say you are dark. So people before you comment saying she is dark and ugly- think of what you will be doing to the 100s of girls in india who are dark skinned. You will be shattering their egos, bruising their self confidence and they will be scarred for life. Today I work as a developer at google . I consider myself beautiful and am very confident. It took me years to realize that self-confidence comes from within.
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Some people get teased coz they r dark...some ppl get teased coz they r fat...everyone has different physical attributes and depending on what the public likes/dislikes, they treat the person. Liking fair skin is just a matter of choice. Whats the bid deal? I find white skinned ppl more attractive than dark skinned. You might find fat people more attractive than skinny ones. Why make such a hullabo about it?!
anon @ Sat, 2010-07-24 20:30, i don't know what to make of it, you chose a desi guy bc he is milky white and that's what beauty is for you. if your thinking is like that, i wonder how he picked you since you're dusky. you just missed the whole point of this post.
to Thu, 2010-07-22 19:58 — Anonymous
looks like u are Cheap below standard indian outside india. you handin gmithais in dewali to americans.. ?? i need to puke now.....
i have earned degree at NYC and I work in Manhattan .. there is no kiss ass - got it?
hey
first i want to say i love your article
im originally from eritrea but i was born & raised in saudi arabia
if you r fair your pretty ....
in my own family we have every shade of color u can imagine and i can honestly say the lighter one's there life was easier even in my own country the first quality they r looking in the bride is to be fair
i read something about in south region in us the black people have a tougher punishment in jail
all the time when i read some people comment on bollywood darker celebs there always comments like ew , she look like a maid or she very dusky for a long time i tought the rasicm is more seen in black people also here in ksa in if u black they call a slave or Niger after barack obama won someone wrote in the papers if barack obama was here he would in very bad job cuz sometimes ur salary depends on ur skin color .....
so racism is everywhere .....
I knew the color issues in India were a problem, but I am so sorry to hear how people treated you an your mother. I am proud that you found love and tolerance in the US.
We launched a blog recently, Racy JC. It focuses on dating within different races and cultures (Asian, Black, Indian, Jewish, Latino, among others) and approaches these issues in a new, honest, real, and non-PC way. Please check it out!
http://jcdaviesauthor.com/
social media: jcdaviesauthor
And never forget intercultural dating is great and you can do it! Racy JC
FOR India, it's not just an education, it is the whole economic situation. many educated females (and males) are jobless. Jobs are scarce there. The economy has to IMPROVE> yes, marriage is still seen as a safety anchor to 'get set' rather than the liberty of romantic pursuit.
Kajol said something very profound: she can AFFORD to marry for love. most Indian females can't afford that... and yes, the parents are grooming them to be married SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED FOR THE SURVIVAL OF THEIR CHILD. they may groom them to whatever the marriage market wants: ie. pretty, fair, etc.
fyi: trophy wives in America almost always are fair, white and tall & blue eyed. look at the CEO wives. even Google's CEO's wives are VERY ATTRACTIVE and heck, blonde too!. beauty and brains is what the whole society wants today; different rules-- but attraction is the aim of the game for those who can afford romance.
it seems a lot of ppl are in deny deny deny mode. one of the ppl who made comments here seems very similar to the same person who made some quite ignorant comments about Indian 'darker' ppl. the 'deny' factor unfortunately prevents a society from ever changing for the better..
well.. .. all over the world, the Indian representatives and stars are of the lighter Indian variety we have-- the heros/heroines are fair by a large part, the darker ones play the villian.
we never noticed this till we read an article by a Western person years ago (National Geographic?? .. not sure), who mentioned he went to India and noticed all the Bollywood movie stars were 'whiter' than the rest of the population. Go figure, TIME magazine honors the Bollywood creatures on their most influential list--- and disses the legal citizens who happen to be brown in their country - BIG TIME!
I think we should start strong campaign on banning all fairness products,
i don't know, its not that bad these days in india. from what i saw, the male grooms these days are looking for educated and considerate women (about the groom's family) than skin color. but i am from south, so that might be a difference, but no doubt that fairness is somehow looked at as a plus point as you can see at how people make fun of deepika and bipasha as kali billi in a derogatory way, but i still don't think it's that bad these days in the country.
i am a canadian born and raised desi and such issues still exist here! my ex boyfriend was what one would consider dark and i am light skinned, he would constantly make mention of his dark skin EVEN THOUGH i never would.
some really nice and intelligent comments. Feels nice that i blogged about it.
I never blame my mom for it. she has given me lots of love, courage in everything that i do. Regarding her trying to change my skin color - she is but a victim of the societal pressures. She didnt want me to go through pain, having difficulties finding a groom etc and she tried her best. I didnt blame her a single day for what she did. She was ignorant. BTW she is a school teacher. So take that!. How the indian society operates. We need to go deep into the society and bring about the color revolution like so many here talked about. Only then is it going to change. The thing that irks me is no one seems to be seeing this and how our society feels its ok to be demeaning dark colored people.
Also if anyone has any suggestions on how to bring about this change, do let me know. I am more than willing to start or initiate something to help all us.
To anon who asked what do i see when i see a girl darker than me - i see pain frankly, the thought that comes to my mind is what might she have gone through.
It is so so important to have education and other extra circular activities to build up your personality. I totally have education to hold on to. It will take me a long way.
Wed, 2010-07-21 07:32 — Anonymous ->
Hello Neha Dupia lookalike, so agree with you.
It's wonderful how despite being accepted there because of your beauty, you still will not forget that many of your Indian brothers and sisters are still fighting to be accepted....
Yes, isn't it wonderful that as soon as some of these Western calls a desi Indian pretty and 'accept them', they conveniently forget their own kind, who are still suffering from racism? Latest 'kissing up' to the Western culture:
Sagarika Ghose is Deputy Editor, CNN-IBN ,, laughably says the Indians who faced racism overseas deserves it as they were not 'geneel' enough. funny, her kind was the exact type who ppl made friends with to help them with their homework and laugh behind her back as a brainy -nerd:
http://www.hindustantimes.com/Unjoin-the-dots/Article1-571898.aspx
and why sterotype ALL Indians as racist too though????:
there are plenty of broad-minded Indians too....
Neena Gupta had a child with an African-origin sports player Vivian Richards, and raises her child to love all cultures. Anju Mahendru had an affair with Gary Sobers (African origin), before moving onto Rajesh Khanna (and he stated her obession with Gary was one of the reasons he broke it up with her.. ). we know of several desis who are married to whites, and also married to blacks. Manisha Koirala (though she is Nepali) dated a black guy and they were engaged too.
granted, there is institutionalized racism and the darker members of Indian society suffer for it.. but Darknlovely, what are your feelings on seeing someone darker than you? do you see their beauty.. or do you have your own limits too?
the biggest driver of the 'fairness' market is India is whom?: prospective Indian male grooms.
fyi: some ignorant young males landed on pinkvilla to give a bash to the 'darker complexioned stars', lest we forget, while most of the ppl 'igonred them' or even supported them: 'she is too brown to represent india';; 'dark maid' comments' ;; 'she is brown and bad bad bad'. YES THESE WERE REAL COMMENTS ON PINKVILLA DONE BY MALE MEMBERS OF THEIR OWN FEMALE RACE.
--> Lookism in India?: to a certain extent. if a very homely, very fair girl wants to get married, she will get suitors galore. if a very pretty dark girl in India wnats to get married, she will still struggle much more than the homely fairer one. marriage is still sadly a SURVIVAL TOOL for females in India with no education and/or job, and beauty is a 'necessity' for females to get married.
---> Instutionalized racism in India: YES. jobs, friends, attention, mate-choices - study after study shows that both females and males are preferred of a fairer variety.
--> Blatant or hidden racism in America: unless you are sleeping, they are saying it's on the rise due to the pie getting smaller! behind the political correctness, there are instincts happening. but on the whole, America is a shining example of banning it. and brains, not just beauty of the people of color, will combat it...
Joel's Stein's recent article shows the only 'good Indian immigrant' is the one who increased a bit of prosperity, clearly forgetting the beauty of the Indian women and culture.
--> Lookism in America: It is still seen as an asset, not a necessity for females. it has more to do with economic freedom of how women are treated there, though (male/female equality). your dating choices are clearly dependent on your looks, esp for females though. body-image a huge issue. eating disorders a result.. marriage is not a survival tool though for anyone.
Fri, 2010-07-23 17:17 — Anonymous --> in some ways, even those elders/parents are victims of society's 'institutionalized racism'. blame the game more than the player who is igonorant enough to play it.
Sat, 2010-07-24 00:37 — Anonymous-> r you also taking into account the sad fact that till today, most females in India DO NOT GET AN EDUCATION, and use marriage as their source of survival tool? this marriage system is still demanding fair skin (so that the next generation producing lighter children) as it's #1 demand for female brides.
until we resolve the HORRIBLE UNFAIR economy of India, we will go round and round in circles, because meanwhile-- females will still be pushed to marry for economic safety, so long as they are uneducated and hence unable to support themselves.
Sat, 2010-07-24 00:22 — Anonymous
Let's get the facts correct. There is no racism in India -> casteism is instituionized racism and many Indians are fighting it. before the 1960's in America, they also used to say ppl of color drinking from seperate fountains was not racism.. it was just 'society's laws to make integration easier'....
Fri, 2010-07-23 17:17 — Anonymous -->
first of all, we too avidly push for equal color rights in the U.S and India.. and yes, agree with you that over-focus on the exterior is a wong way to raise the kids. but the context of why things occur is not so simple:
In a third-world country around the globe, 'beauty' is almost as a survival tool for females. glorification of the exterior in India is also strongly pushed by 'mating survivial'. sadly, many females in India are not blessed with education like Darknlovely, nor sometimes with the best mind. so parents go in a tiffy thinking marriage is the only way their female gal survives. the parents then groom the females to be in the top of the marriage-choice mating list, based on what grooms want. and what do most Indain male grooms insist today (either silently or directly): FAIR FAIR FAIR! read the matrimonial columns. Look at who Indian elites select their for their dating partners, most still prefer fair dating partners..... << Yes, we have seen cases where very very dark siblings have had a horrible time getting married or asked on dates in India- some remain unmarried unless they can bring 'dowry' or wealth;; while their fairer siblings are married with lots of suitors dowry-less. same face/same height/ different color. >>>
so the root cause is still why people in India are preferring fair people in jobs, dating, marriage, and pecking order..... ? and the other thing is, education among females around the globe SHOULD BE MANDATORY with their careers set, to set them free from this 'need a male to survive' poison going on there...
I was born intelligent. I topped most of the competitions at school. ==> Hello Darknlovely, an intelligent mind and/or a good heart is worth a thousand 'supermodel looks'. beauty is a matter of choice, but the thing that will combat true racism and show the world we Indians are worth it will ultimately what will be inside. That in fact (intelligence) has been a key factor in combating racism around the globe.
It is sad that the priority of the world in females is still on outer-looks and 'matebilty' factor (marrying as 'up' as possible; mating; producing children). Like in India today, parents in America also used to 'groom' their girls at one time for dating to 'marry rich' - before the feminist revolution-- (making them color their hair blonder.. even today, hear the horror stories of gals being pushed to get sillicone implants from their family... both in U.S. and India.. to be 'date-able desirable ). the thing is not to get militant or angry with the elders (many of whom do have the best interest of their kid's hearts... )-- but to understand why things are happening, and get to the root.
Today, Indian gals and gals all over ARE FREE AS MALES ARE: THEY NO LONGER NEED A MAN TO SUPPORT AND WORK FOR THEM. THEY USE THEIR MINDS. Outer beauty is an art now, not a necessity surviving tool. We can all be pretty, but if we are or we are not, our survival and confidence should not be broken by this one thing...
Frankly speaking, one of the reasons you are getting so much adoration in America is not so much just for your pretty looks , but the fact that you are TRULY INTELLIGENT, which is priceless. India needs to honor our intelligent ones more and focus less on lookism. Surely you are a beautiful person outside (yes, we have called 'dark' girls pretty, as well as light)-- but the true beauty is inside. once you were able to capture your true beauty inside, your confidence flew out!!
Fri, 2010-07-23 17:17 — Anonymous,
I'm not picking on the victim. Far from it. I'm against objectification of woman..as if a woman is unworthy of apperication if she is not "fair", nice slim body and D cup boobs. There was a time when woman's lib meant, woman developed self esteem, self worth, self confidence and got an education and became financially independent. Now woman lib means concentrating on getting brazilian wax, working on bikini body, wearing ity bity clothes, carrying expensive bags and flaunting shoes and ofcourse notching up guys on the bed post.
I also hate it when parents mess up their child's self worth as in the case Dark and lovely. I'm glad she is able to turn the corner. She has taken too much beating for no fault of her's while her parent's watched on.
Let's get the facts correct. There is no racism in India. There is casteism. Love for light skin is not just an Indian phenomenon, it is very much prevelant it S and E Asia as well. Loreal skin whitening creams sells like hot cakes in Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, S. Korea, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong as well.
I agree with the person below that it is up to parents to make or break their child's self-esteem.
can you post a pic of yrself?
Thu, 2010-07-22 23:33 — Anonymous: first of all, let's not pick on victims to blame. everyone is a product of their culture.
honestly, the down side of the Western beauty pagents coming in India has a horror side:
all girls of Indian origin are FORCED to feel that unless they are beautiful, they are worthless. now beautiful can be defined by IGNORANT AND LIMITING society's beauty-laws (ie. Indian: very fair, long hair, baby-faced, sweet;; Western: tall, high-cheekones, bonde blue eyed Barbie in a 2 piece swimsuit with a 10 figure). And yes, the color discrimation here of India is VERY definitely institutionalized racism.
Darknlovely is a young gal and her elders also are now coming from the "Indian women are the most beautiful in the world' pagents generation that started in the early 1990's. Frankly some people of that generation are becoming so vain and pushing it on their innocent kids to be 'hip & pretty'. they forget to nurture the interior.. though. generations back, there was NO RIVALRY between a 'pretty' or 'homely' sister... so no hard feelings if a girl was felt un-pretty. if someone was called pretty, you felt happy for them and felt happy for what you had. Now, it's like like a war of the prettiest.. everyone grooming themselves as fashionistas, berating each other to reach the top of the pecking order. a big big bad beauty contest is all life is for many female youths today...
Yes, it is sad that unless a girl 'feels' pretty, she thinks she's worthless. today, luv comes from the glorification of exterior beauty, and hence confidence. so if a society or person calls you pretty, they 'luv you'-- and if they don't find your exterior shell pretty (forget if they adore you for your spirit), they are wicked. a guy will tell the girl she's the most beautful ever.. to take her out on a few dates and dump her. if she is indeed the most beautiful on the outside to him, he will pursue her as his 'true luv'. it's sad because the outside is not so much under our control. look at what happened to Koena and Heidi Montag aiming to be perfect on the outside-- did they find luv? no.
instutionalized racism: racism which society does not perceive and thinks it's status quo. -> India on color.
blatant racism: racism going against the standards and norms of soceity either up-front of behind the scenes -> happening in certain places in America- most have overcome though...
Darknlovely is 100% right about India and the color system.
On the other hand, she is also naaive about the 'lack of racism' behind the political correct-ness in America, as she is probably living and working in what could be termed one of the most open loving areas in America in a very short amt of time. to deny the racism of Edison , NJ Ameica etc. by saying 'so what, India and Indians are worse' does not help. many wrongs do not make a right. ppl have a right to express dis-satifaction at Joel Stein's article. Darknlovely, a beautiful girl, has a right to express her dissatisfaction.
in this case, a lot of people tend to blame the victim.. i.e 'if it's not my problem, it doesn't exist'.
I agree with Fri, 2010-07-23 13:21 — Anonymous
We are very ignorant about wat is racism and what is not.
Indians are not racist we are prejudiced. We discriminate on looks and not on race.
In fact India is so mixed with all invasions we have faced in history that we cannot even call ourselves of a certain race.
We are mix of Caucasoid race, Mongoloid race and Australoid race.
Right now racism has raised it ugly head in America one more time with Shirley Sherrod issue. America is one country that has been struggling with this issue forever and continues to do so.
Your personal experiences are not pleasent and its sad you had to go through them but they have nothing to do with racism.
It just like if a person is short and all their life they are taunted by it because certain people are prejudiced against short people.
I am not undermining your bad experience or gravity of the issue just want people to be more careful about the words they use and implications the words have.
Thanks for sharing your experience.I agree 100 percent that India is the most racist country in the world leave alone calling other western countries racist.We need to think about how we deal among ourselves before calling others racist.
@ artlover, et al
discrimination based on color cannot be labelled racism in her case.
the underlying prejudice here is not based on perceptions of race, but rather of beauty.
In the end it's discrimination based on looks and NOT racism
I'm not trying to undermine the impact of darknlovely's experience here, just making sure that this word doesn't get thrown around every two seconds!
And btw anyone who thinks racism doesn't exist in the USA...and has been living under a rock...just google Shirley Sherrod.
so far for America NOT (rly??) being racist: http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/22/mother-mistaken-for-the-nanny-of-he...
Please..you want us to believe there is no racism in USA and that people don't discriminate against dark skin color? Whites supremacists, KKK and people at the stromfront would like to disagree with you.
When Indians are dark themseleves, why would they ridicule other's for giving birth to a dark skinned babies. Even if they did, your parents should have put them in their place immediately and told them they would love their daughter regardless. This would had have shut them up permanently. Instead your mother spent a
life time inculcating low self esteem in you. She made you feel like crap for being born with dark colored skin. She spend hours and $$ rubbing oil and lotion and what not on , when she should have concentrated on instilling confidence and ability to stand up for yourself regardless of your body type and skin color. It took a guy to make you feel valued..sad..sad..sad
Thanks for this story. It's an eye opener for parents.