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My experience with racism in India and USA
 This is w.r.t this post calling Americans racist. I wanted to share with you my experiences on racism. From the day i was born, my mom tried different oils, lotions to change my skin color. Everyone ridiculed my mom for giving birth to a dark girl. Everyone told her it would be difficult to find a groom for her as she is very dark. This would trouble my mom and she tried everything to change my skin color. I was born intelligent. I topped most of the competitions at school. I was a good orator. When i was in my 4th grade, my teacher told me she could not give me the role of cinderalla for our school day function as i was dark and they wanted a fair skinned girl. They chose a fair cinderalla over me who could not even deliver her lines. I went home heartbroken. The next year i was chosen for a dance performance for a school show. One of the teachers asked me to not stand in the front row as i was dark and they wanted pretty girls in the front. I was asked to move back. Imagine what a 5th grader would have gone through. Anyways as i turned into a teenager, my confidence was at rock bottom. I was dark you see. That is like almost the end of the world you see. I tried all sorts of things only to realize nothing in this world can change your skin color. I kind of got used to people calling me dark. At 20 i got admission at a very prestigious university in US for higher studies. I landed here. Out in US, not one single day was i told i was dark. Everyone around me were so appreciative of my other skills apart from my skin color. I met a very handsome guy whom i started dating. My confidence slowly built up thanks to this guy . I am soon going to marry him. In US I was never told a single day by anyone that i was dark. Infact a white girls came to me and once complimented me for my healthy skin. I am not making this up BTW. The reason i wrote this was because i saw so many comments here saying Americans are racist. Hell no. We Indians are the most racist people in the world, we dont realize it. In US there are laws against racism. In India there is not one single law that will protect a dark skinned girl from being ridiculed. It is just accepted as being OK to say you are dark. So people before you comment saying she is dark and ugly- think of what you will be doing to the 100s of girls in india who are dark skinned. You will be shattering their egos, bruising their self confidence and they will be scarred for life. Today I work as a developer at google . I consider myself beautiful and am very confident. It took me years to realize that self-confidence comes from within.
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Thank you for sharing. U r right. WE are the most racist of all. My own mum feels ok to calll me black.
darknlovely--gud for u. As far as ur professional success goes, it is ur hard work that got u so far. But, it is ur beauty that has landed u so many compliments and a handsome fiance in the US! Dark or not, the world likes beautiful people and is biased about it too! U are throwing out a big word called "racism" which kinda overlaps but is not completely true in your case! U were discriminated based on ur color! I have been discriminated so many times on the "looks" department more than ever in US, but I don't go about hating US and shouting "racism" at the drop of the hat! There is nothing I can do about it, coz its so obvious yet done so subtly!!! BTW, I have been in US for 5 yrs and have done my MS and currently doing my PhD in a top university! Life is not fair for many of us...u won ur battle, but people like me suffer where ever they go! So chillout!!! Racism is a very big word and extrapolating it to for an entire nation is not very intelligent of u! Gud luck with ur marriage!
Tue, 2010-07-20 14:41 — Anonymous => yes, it's call political correctness.. there are those who are open;; and then there are those who are fake. it takes all kinds... Long Island is probably more traditional
are you mistaken for Caucasion (white) by the way, so they can be free to talk of those of racial colors? maybe they see you as white, not exotic...
What nonsense...I've never heard of anyone getting mistreated at schools in India..its just plain ridiculous for u to think its the same everywhere...I am pretty dark and never had any problem either in my school or anywhere else in India...yes, my mom wanted me to have lighter skin tone, but did she not love me coz I was dark? same with ur parents...did they not take care of u and provide for u? Would you be where u r without their support and love? Americans r not racists? Thats bull sh*t...they just don't tell u on ur face..they assume Indians r stink and dirty...I've had so many problems when I was looking for shared accommodation....when I had my name hidden I got pretty good response..the moment they got to know I am Indian, they changed their version...there is discrimination everywhere in this world...every country has its problems..new generation Indians are broadminded...plz don't generalize.
I would like to say sitting down in EAST (in India) people think US is racist and the perception we carry is that all dark colored skin are bad. I was grown up in India till I was 24 and moved around the world. When I went back and think back my own history I think we (Indian back ground) and Indians are most racist. Racism is not just base don the color. We (from Indian and Indians) first we are the biggest racist. I will give an example, first we talk talk about 'yeh desi hai kya', yes, 'yeh apnah state ka hai kya', yes, 'yeh kaunsa caste kya hai', yes, 'yeh mera cast ka hain, lekin yeh tho doosara district ha hai', And after all these elimination we pre-judge the person's behavior.
I request everyone, don't look at individual by color or caste or country, look at the person as a human being and what positive value the person has.
Be HUMAN and respect all HUMANs.
Tue, 2010-07-20 15:06 — Anonymous -> on the whole, America has learned to be more accepting and kinder. but yes, there are cases where people are 'politically correct'. The U.S. responds more to 'hip cool & attractive'.. so if someone is that, including Indians, they can make it. but once they lose that 'cool tag', it's tough to be nerdy in the U.S.-- and nerds are NOT managers in IT world mainly.
in the end, the ppl who will care deep inside for your heart, regardless off how you look or how rich you are-- are your true well-wishers. they may make mistakes out of ignorance or through corrupt cultural mis-programming, but many ppl do not mean harm. some do. there are cases all over of sheer vile ignorance and verbal abuse based on color,, but so far in India, there are no kk.. and vile-hate groups out to destroy ppl out for their skin color alone.
mother in law has an obesession to fairness. So much so she passed many personal remarks on my face while she was here. She compared my skin to hers and said its the exact same skin (i am 30 and she is 65), called me black, called my hair color(black) abnormal. All this with her being asian too. I felt very ugly for a month and would hide at home until when a neighbor of mine said very good things about my tan skin. I dont feel ugly anymore.
Thanks for this
and to add more.. wrote about the 2 sisters being discriminated, based on color alone...
to be fair, have also lived in India for many years, and have seen reverse situations too: families where siblings were very light to very dark, and all felt great. there are many good Indians out there who are smart enough to bypass society's bad programmings.. just as there are a few bad ones admist the shining good ones in America. so once more, this whole 'labeling' thing gets out of hand.. .
but yes, you are so true.. there is an ongoing acceptance of dark=bad and fair=good in India, that has to go! Bollywood (which is a very powerful media for the youth and society) should take an active stance in this (like Hollywood is doing). it does hurt the self-esteem of so many, and denying it won't help matters. you and everyone can be examples to the youth and teach them about the importance of self-acceptance, no matter whether society glorfies or negates someone. inner-worth is TRUE WORTH.
Darknlovely , congrats on your engagement by the way!
please do post the wedding photos for all to share.
In America, it's not like they like dark or fair.. they react to symmetry and facial angles very strongly (vs in India where still the main beauty instinct is overall coloring).....
so in America, if you had fantastic features and great height and aura, they will find you beautiful whether you are pitch pale to dark ebony or anywhere in between. and that's fantastic.. . and hopefully that is something of accepting all colors as beautiful that can happen in India.. and it will !! :)
the downside is if your are shorter or chubbier.. or have heavy features, you may be preferred more in India..
all in all, outer beauty is about tastes. let's focus on our inner-beauty and we won't have to worry about who finds us pretty and who does not. if anyone makes you feel small, tell them that they have no power over you to do that in a nice way. they'll stop. if anyone makes you feel great, tell them they're great. they'll continue. :)
Hello Darknlovely,
It is WONDERFUL that you are finally in a culture where your beauty is set free. Glad the Cinderella story is a happy ending for you. In fact, we too, have been active in the color acceptance movement among desis. California (assume, since lucky you works for Google :) .. has an air and history of being very accepting, and luckily most of America too;; let's hope the Mexican immigrants get some luv too there...
Only concern is this:
Sterotyping an entire nation as racist is a VERY HEAVY word to use.. and we must be careful. We can say India is racist or America is racist.... but everyone's experience will be different. For anyone who's faced vile evil racism at its core (kk type.. ), it is a terrible thing. India is more facing a cultural negative sterotype (dark is bad), so often people react instinctively on what they are programmed to be true (i.e dark is bad; fair is good).. it is still very wrong, but done more out of igorance than pure vile racist hate.
For instance, America DEFINITELY has grown more loving and accepting to all races and colors these past three decades. A shining example for the world to follow !!! But let's not forget the painful steps: before the 60's, people of color were made to drink and sit seperately.. and had the 60's revolution not happened, it still may have been. The Indians who immigrated to America before and during the 80's faced the worst brunt (of which Joel Stein speaks in his controversial article): at that time, brown tones of 'foreigners' was seen as odd and strange, and many children were faced with harassement on a daily basis, including violence. Just as your color issues in India was true, theirs was equally real. It took those painful steps (and lots of petition) to make people become 'politically correct' and then finally 'politically aware' to ultimately 'heart-open loving'. Had you immigrated in those places and times, you may have felt different. and remember, no culture is perfect. India still has more acceptance of different sizes;; whereareas in America, an overweight person is still not seen as hip or beautiful and they are fighting their own acceptance.
To make up for the years of discrimination, we can also say, only dark people are pretty now and let's diss our fair ones.. .. but then that's the same wrong as saying only fair is pretty. instead of having this pecking order, let's all see the beauty in all, inside and out... and get out of this pecking order game in which we all eventually lose.
There is every society and culture where some may like you and some may not. The thing is to transcend it, and realize the true you is inside, and honor that in others..
That was a heartfelt post. I'm in the same boat. My skin tone can be said to be that of singer M.I.A. I copped alot of fleck from family members and complete strangers. in particular my grandmother and aunt. My grandmother even suggested I eat papaya so that I may become fair. And my aunt has always indirectly told me that I may not be able to find a proper husband because I'm dark. Her daughter is fair and she makes it sound as though I'm beneath her. My mum has always been very supportive of me.
I can't comment on racism in the States but here in Australia, while it's not out in the open, I feel tensed when I go out. This was more so when some churchies made me feel soo inferior like I was a sinner or something. Never fit in. But many others have always appreciated my skin color. Some kid back in the day called me the n word. However through the years, I've managed to pretend it doesn't affect me. Friends who go overseas lament as to how they don't want to become 'blacker' like as though having dark skin is problematic. It really really tarnishes your self confidence. But while my family members (only the two mentioned above) comment about my color, others (distant relatives) have always said I have sharper features as opposed to my cousin and look way better in the looks department and have a more pleasing personality that my cousin. And I consider myself beautiful. My grandmother always walks on egg shells when she's around me these days as I've become alot more outspoken in my views. Especially when people tell me to use the infamous fair and lovely crap. I'm going to India this november, hopefully just hopefully I won't get any fleck from family but if I do, I told my mum I won't be responsible for what comes out of my mouth. It is with education that you can change people. And no-one can belittle you without your permission. I've learnt that the hard way. Kudos to you dark and lovely =)
me and my frient are both fair skinned, living in the US. my friend is very protective of her fair skin, like she won't go to beach, or do outdoor activities, because afraid to become tanned. It's sad that this perception still exists in US, when not needed. People with fair skin, who are proud of it, please LIVE your life, and have fun, and enjoy the outdoors (with proper UV protection of course). you'd be surprised how healthy you may actually look with a little tan.
United States has 2 prominent Indian heads of World renowned companies:
Vikram Pandit, CEO of CitiBank
Indra Nooyi, female CEO of Pepsico
Both born and raised in India.
Also there are plenty of Indian CEOs of lesser known American companies.
Bobby Jindal is a governor of a predominantly white Southern state with a history of racism .
And there is an Indian woman, Namrata ( Nikki) Randhawa , who is running for Governor of South Carolina which is also a white Southern state with a racist past. She is most likely to win.
@Tue, 2010-07-20 10:41 — Anonymous
i agree dont degrade your own country because it is like this all over the world and india is your motherland where you born, and fed. dont disgrace it, just because you have a good job now in the u.s doesnt mean you are now american. yes there are stupid and uneducated people eveywhere, but in the u.s they will treat you nicely until time comes for a promotion they will not even give you a chance they always want their own people to be in top positions, they mainly use indians as IT or tech support because there are so many indians doing IT and egineering they are using you. its great your happy now but im sure not every single indian mistreated you as a child dont diss all of india for some peoples mistakes.
Yes, the country...USA...which had slavery....made the dark skinned people slaves...is not racist. give me a break! happens EVERYWHERE.
I am friends with many white folks and they always tell me how I am most unlike other Indians, i.e., very well dressed, generous in spending, liberal in view etc. I grew up in India and came here few years ago.
What offends me is that they automatically assume every Indian stinks like curry, dresses poorly and is cheap, with conservative views!! Hence, they are delighted that I am not one of 'those' Indians and hence 'worthy' of their friendship!!
And let me not even go to the racism part. These white people I know (most of them in Long Island area) are the picture of tolerance in public, but when they are by themselves, the claws come out regarding every race and anyone who is different than them!! I don't know why they discuss like this when I am there!! I have heard very unkind discussion regarding immigration, foreigners,blacks, Chinese, Hispanics, Indians etc etc.... unkind words for anyone who is not one of them! What really surprises me that they don't feel weird talking like that in front of me, a foreigner and a non-white! may be they think I am one of them!!
Now I just try to avoid these people, I can never feel comfortable around people who have such double standards. At least Indians tell it to your face.
VERY TRUE!!!
Yup, Im from Canada and I think in both these countries, we embrace multiculturalism and diversity! Its just certain people that refuse to accept this...and well, ppl like that are all over the world so it is kinda inevitable but they are just the ignorant people who refuse to accept people for who they are! But yeah..I think some people in India are kinda backwards with their thinking....kinda disturbs me :( And I feel really bad about what happened to you as a kid...and Im sorry about it...ppl should really think about their ignorant actions and words...but hey, you know what you've probably found a wonderful guy now and I wish you the best of luck with him! Must be great to have sum1 appreciate you for just who you are! :)
i get that a lot too, but from my own people. I have had many non-desis telling me that they love my skin tone! So to hell with narrow-minded and back-ward cultural norms. We should love the way we are regardless of whether anyone likes our skin or not!
See if you ever get a chance to become a Manager or a President in your company. That will rarely happen. Not because you are dark but you a non white? That’s a major problem of US. Don't call your country a racist; I know some of the Indian are color obsessed but not all like that. You NRI never leave a chance to degrade your own country; wait until you get a similar experience from US.
Intolerant and racism exists in every form...however, india moreso...indians are intolerant to anyone that do not look like them, except white folks. First hand, working with indians in US, they are more biased.. discriminative towards anyone that not look them...they "kiss-up" to white folks (old colonial attitude). They tolerate some indians because of their work ethnics because they treat them as inferiors with a servant attitude. They do not have personal management skills, and treats people horrible with no professional skills. Many complained including "indians" about their lack of professionalism, and HR management is hoarded with complains. It is known by many companies that many do not want to work for indian management. It's all about how folks are being brought up...many young indians should start teaching their kids about tolerance and acceptance towards people.
so tru!!! my point to make here wud b asians always look down on the western culture but thn they go crazy trying look like em...........but thn white ppl who r racist loved to b tanned in the summer!
god.. how i totally understand this..
I am dark skinned too and when I was a child I used to feel so bad about it. You know people probably don't intentionally mean to hurt you but they do, even people close to you. I was always told to drink milk to become fair, to put haldi (turmeric), sandalwood and what not. And don't go out in the sun, always use an umbrella. And auntys used to say "put talcum powder beta". Even friends and classmates used to joke around calling me 'black beauty', 'andhera' (darkness) , 'kaali ghata' (black cloud) and such stupid things. There were many days when I cried .
But as I grew older, probably when I was nearing twenties, I realized the admiration I used to get from the opposite sex. I realized slowly that I was better looking and had better features than a lot of people around, that there were people who admired me, who thought I was pretty. That was a huge confidence boost, and I changed a lot as a person. I was shy in school but in college I started taking part in college activities and was always on the forefront. It wasn't that some people would still joke around, they do even today and I know that will go on.
But I know who I am and where I stand. I know I'm beautiful and nobody can change that inside my head.
Of course I feel bad when people comment on my color,I remember when I was getting married 6 months back, some of my relatives were saying ' Oh luckily she found a fair guy, so the children still have a chance of being fair.' It hurt , still does, but you can't change people around you, although sometimes I do strongly say that 'You must never talk about someone's physical attributes, its wrong to judge somebody like that.' But I know its in vain to most people.
So you have to let go and make the best you can of your life instead of bothering about silly things people say. If there is something you can do, you can try and improve your skin health, by drinking lots of water, eating healthy food and oiling, scrubbing etc. Lots of fair people have freckles and uneven complexion. Like the writer says, its the healthy skin that looks beautiful and it has nothing to do with color and a healthy skin anyone can achieve with a little everyday care. Just take care of your body and feel good. Thats what is important at the end of the day, feeling beautiful inside. And let people notice you for the good person you are inside.
I am born in India and somehow very fair skin. I am on the same boat as Fairnlovly as everyone in india who meets me will talk about my fair skin and any other quality of mine. i feel ashame as if I am good for nothing other than skin.
Racism is prevelant in every society. Yes in India it is biggg.However in America it depends where you live. If you are living in big cities for example NY, Chicago, LA, SF (most of california for that matter is more tolerant)then you are right people are not racist. However southern states (interiors), mid west states where there is a predominant white culture it still exists.
I am sorry your teachers in school were so blind sided and biased towards fairer colour.
Btw Indians are mean to even extremely fair people too. I was labeled by my frnds from childhood as white cockroach or white ghost. I got a lot of hate for being fairer then the basic indian fair. however after moving to the US things were better. You are right about one thing this country (USA)doesnt care too much about colour. It is about how you deliver in terms of talent and skills.I am glad you found your peace and happiness here.
There is racism everywhere, in northeast US it hides behind political correctness, in places like Arizona, etc its out there in the open.
Black people discriminate against their own people who are a 'deeper' shade of black. Whites discriminate against other whites who are 'pasty' and not fashionably tan, Asians bleach their skin, so do the latinas.
ABCD kids discriminate against new Indian students in the US regarding their accent, clothes, pickle and paratha smell etc etc.
But in India, the discrimination against a darker skin girl is very severe and can not be compared to other stereotypes. It literally makes their lives miserable. and everyone thinks its okay to do so.
India has its own merits, no doubt. But ugly things like color and gender discriminations are major problems in Indian society. They should not be swept under the rugs or glossed over by the beauty of India. I am glad its out in the open for discussion. And NO, I do not think its a single person posting here.
If you are girl in India and you are dark, chances are your life was/is miserable in India.
In my opinion US & Canada = least racist countries whereas Australia & Britain - most racist countries.
i love you girl actually am black cos am from africa and am proud of it, i dont need any fair person to tell me am black bcos we are all the same and i know my skin is far better than them interms of health and quality.
It's so true. One of my friends is a stunning hottie but her only "flaw" is that she's dark. Her dad transferred back to the homeland from abroad so she didn't know what the common perception amongst people was. Her relatives wanted her to stay out of the sun, tried to make her feel bad that her younger sister was taller and fairer than her. She laughed them off because she thought they were nuts but eventually that started to make her feel bad. Her dad transferred again and this time to Sweden.
The only dark skinned girl in a school full of blondes and she got all the attention because she managed to reach a standard of 'beauty' they couldn't possibly reach even they tanned themselves to death. When she shifted to Britain for uni it was the same story. Her facebook profile pictures are full of comments from people admiring her and how great her skin was. Girls are envious and Guys want her attention.
I'm so glad she got out of here before her self esteem could be tampered with. She's a gorgeous girl and deserves her due without people putting her down for their biases.