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Hello Therapist: I am married & feel guilty for getting attracted to a guy in my gym; What should I do?
In our Anonymous new segment, Hello Therapist, today, we have Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist, Apollo Clinic Pune solving your personal doubts.
Hello Therapist,
I don't feel intimate with my husband. I met a guy in a gym and getting attracted towards him. My husband is a good man but I am in guilt. What should I do?
Hello Pinkvilla Reader,
It is perfectly alright to acknowledge your feelings. But remember, acknowledging doesn't mean enacting based on the feelings. So be comfortable about emotions you're experiencing towards the guy you met in Gym. Emotions are like a signboard, they signal about what's going on inside your mind. They aren't meant to be apologized about or felt guilty about.
Your guilt could be due to the conflict you're facing in this situation. Guilt is a healthy emotion till the point it is preventing you from doing something that is wrong as per your moral principles. If it is making you feel distressed, then you need to resolve this conflict & try to understand the emotions you experience, without any judgement.
At the moment, you appreciate your husband & love him so. But, the guy you met in the gym is making you feel attracted towards him, although you have been committed in your marriage. Feeling attraction towards opposite gender is a normal phenomenon, before or even after marriage. Please be clear about this.
We have been seeing many cases where certain charming personalities (like the Gym guy) are trying to get into short term relationship, at the expense of vulnerability of some women experiencing such conflict.
As you are aware of the reason behind this conflict- lack of adequate intimacy in your marriage. After a few years of the honeymoon phase of any relationship, many couples struggle with the intimacy-related issue. Possible reasons could be- career goals, lack of adequate quality time to spend together, lack of communication, feeling as if neglected upon or not given proper attention by the partner, sexual dysfunctions & myths related to same, unfulfilled expectations from each partner, conflicts due to involvement of family members in family matters, financial stressors & so on. Have you figured out what is making you feel less intimate with your husband?
If you've figured it out already, have you or your husband communicated with each other & tried to resolve the issues with some mutual understanding & assertiveness.
Marriages may be destined through heaven but they need to be nurtured with efforts on this planet earth. No relationship is perfect for the time eternal. Some misunderstandings & conflicts do arise in any kind of relationship in life. It is the choice one makes to improve upon the relationship, when committed into it. Defying the commitment is considered as the worst kind of betrayal in any marriage. If you feel your husband as the most respectful person in your life, you need to value the commitment with him & work upon intimacy, rather than getting into any guilt.
The guy you met in the Gym, maybe a good friend for the workout or a coffee. You may sublimate your emotions towards him, after working upon the intimacy in marriage. But, beware if any moment you feel like the friendship with Gym guy is turning out to be toxic without maintaining the boundaries of friendship; then probably avoiding this guy would be a better choice. You need to make clear with yourself at first, what exactly you wish to have from this friendship with the gym guy. Then only, you may bring out the assertiveness in your communication. Remember...Just feeling attracted to a person for a moment, doesn't mean you have to get intimate with him. You may feel emotional intimacy with the Gym guy, but can he assure you the commitment in action in return, is the question to ponder. It is up to you to decide whether to make choices based on temporary feelings or a long-lasting commitment in any relationship. TakeCare, I hope you got the things assorted now.
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Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.
