EXCLUSIVE: Mother's Diary: Are you regretting motherhood? Expert lists ways that can help you sail through
No matter how devoted a mother one is, at some point, between sleepless nights, soiled diapers and smelly hair, we all have regretted motherhood.
“I love my children fiercely, but sometimes I do wonder how my life would have been without them. And when I come across one of my single friends with no kids, who still look stunning in leather pants and party any time of the week, these thoughts cut through a very sensitive part of me.”
No matter how terrible these thoughts make us feel, Divya Singh Vishwanath, Lifestyle Blogger & Stylist, says that these are normal, and nothing to feel embarrassed about.
“Most of us mothers, especially when our kids are toddlers, barely manage a trip alone to the washroom and life is all about diapers, feeding bottles, dropping kids to school and ballet classes, and if a feeling of regret passes by, it’s perfectly okay. You don’t need to judge yourself. Remember, motherhood comes with an expense and that expense is a part of your life in return for theirs,” says Vishwanath.
It’s a no-brainer that motherhood is consuming, and it can feel utterly exhausting and frustrating. Couple it with no time for oneself and frustration hits the rooftop. And this is when many say, “I regret becoming a mom!”
“It is important to understand that it’s not the children we regret, it’s the motherhood that we do. What makes it worse is, the taboo on complaining about being a mother and about parts of motherhood we might resent. Bringing up a child or children involves so much work and it very often falls totally on the mother or in some cases mothers. So, to any mom who feels that she is regretting motherhood, it’s ok and it’s normal. Take a break. It’s an emotion that will pass. If it doesn’t, seek some help - whether it’s just talking to a friend or a therapist,” says Vishwanath.
She adds that coping with these feelings is not impossible. Not easy, but not that tough either. Here are some tips that might help.
Talking and venting is so good, especially with those who understand what the other is going through. Plus, they are always a never-ending source of information which you cannot do without.
Find a hobby /interest and aggressively find time for it every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
If you are a working mom, spend on reliable nannies and CCTV cameras. Get back to work once the maternity break is over.
Stop feeling guilty about taking some time off from raising kids. Everyone needs a break. If nothing convinces you to take a break, remember, it makes you a better mom as you come back all refreshed and rebooted. So, do it for your kids.
Delegate the duties to your partner, family, grandparents, reliable help, or friends who are trustworthy and available.