Hello Therapist: I am 30, have never dated & want to marry someone I know; Parents want an arranged marriage

Today, Dr. Rahul Khemani, Consultant Psychiatrist in Wockhardt Hospital, Mira Road is helping our anonymous reader solve her problem.
Hello Therapist: I am 30, have never dated & want to marry someone I know; Parents want an arranged marriage
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Hello Therapist, 

I'm a 30 year old girl and have never dated anyone in the past. Now my parents want me to get married but I don't want to get into an arranged marriage set up. They show me guys but I don't like them or feel like meeting them. I gel well with guy friends and want to marry someone I know. What should I do? 

Hello Pinkvilla Reader, 

A lot of people, especially girls, go through this similar predicament. We live in a society where success is measured by milestones set up by others. However, it remains our choice of whether we want to follow our heart or follow societal expectations. This is your immediate task now. Take some time to reflect what you want from life. And what needs to be done in order to get there. 

Your parents are right on their part insisting for your marriage since they too are a product of their own upbringing and societal education. Just sit your parents down and explain to them of your distress. Let them understand why it makes you uncomfortable but also point to possible solutions. 

The process of an arranged marriage can be scary because we fear the unknown. With someone you already know from before, the fear subsides a bit. In addition to this, if you have never dated anyone before then the whole experience is going to feel out of your comfort zone. Every new experience can bring in apprehension. Think of if there is someone in your friend circle you can ask out. Meet those people your parents suggest, and see whether you can become friends with them before making a decision. If you are dead set against arranged marriage, then communicate this to your parents. If not, be open and try before rejecting the idea completely.

The key is an open and honest conversation. Set your expectations and hopes outright with your parents and probable partner. And remember, the decision is always going to be yours to make.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

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