Hello Therapist: I have to constantly choose between my career and being a good mother; I am confused

Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist, Apollo Clinic, Pune helps our anonymous reader through her issues.
Hello Therapist is a new segment where a psychologist helps in answering your personal doubtsHello Therapist: I have to constantly choose between my career and being a good mother; I am confused
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Hello Therapist, 

I feel I have to choose between my career and my responsibilities as a mother. And I can't do that. I want to give my best in both but somehow it's not possible for me. What should I do? Please help..!!

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

Choosing between career & responsibilities as a working mother is a tough job, I can say- in today's world! One thing you prefer over others, you feel like to repent about both. 

Few suggestions I may formulate for you in this issue:

1) Maybe you need to seek some help from your husband & other family members if you need to balance on both fronts. Please try to understand & explain your husband assertively that, a child is as equally a responsibility of its father as it's yours. If both of you start sharing the responsibility towards the child together, the bond between you as a family may strengthen as well.

2) Outsourcing for some tasks may save your time from doing household chores, so as to focus on your career goals. Seeking help from the child's grandparents during your work hours may help you to balance this situation well. Else, you may consider a trained dai that matches your socio-cultural demands, to look after the child during your work hours. Most of the children (beyond a certain phase) enjoy the attention & nurturing from different caregivers, rather than just been clingy to the mother. 

3) You may have to learn some efficient & realistic ways of parenting so as to avoid any guilt at this point. We have been observing so many parents in this guilt trap, where they consider themselves as fully responsible for any issues related to the child. You may get some practical tips from your elder siblings, cousins or office colleagues, who had been through the same phase prior; so you may feel some assurance & ways to implement your own way of parenting the child while balancing a career.

As the famous poet & philosopher, Kahlil Gibran once said - "Your children are not your children. They are the sons & daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you." Once you try to understand that a child doesn't need your attention all the time, rather it learns through plays & exploration of surrounding objects, by its own; you may set yourself free from the guilt of constantly been available for your child. It just needs someone's supervision after the phase of a toddler, to make sure the child is safe from any dangers. The ultimate goal a parent should be- how to help your child to enjoy it's own company, along with the other family members, once the separation anxiety subsides beyond one year of age.

4) One more thing I wish to emphasize about is, you need to be realistic about your career goals as well. Resuming back to work after pregnancy & childbirth needs some attention towards your own physical & mental health as well. It is not an issue about just your career & your child; it is "The YOU" who needs to be taken care well by yourself, in this phase. Please don't miss your hobbies, friend circle & Me-time, while getting lost in career goals & responsibilities towards the child. Taking a break from career for a while is also okay if you are feeling overburdened at this moment. Try to be gentle & compassionate with thyself so as to avoid any burn-out or depression. Giving your best is okay, but what's the point if you're losing yourself in this whole process. Please make it sure & TakeCare of yourself as well. Best wishes for this new phase of your life! Let you enjoy this phase of motherhood along with reasonable & realistic attainment of the career goals.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

Also Read: Hello Therapist: I am married & feel guilty for getting attracted to a guy in my gym; What should I do?

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Anonymous 2 months ago

i am disturbed that this doctor refers to a child as it n not he or she

Anonymous 2 months ago

The doctor is so good

Anonymous 2 months ago

its important to be at home and work

Anonymous 2 months ago

yes we should blanace