Hello Therapist: I’m facing issues about my sexuality & do not feel comfortable around boys; What should I do?

Today we have, Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale Psychiatrist & Psycho-therapist, Apollo Clinic, Pune solving our anonymous reader’s doubts.
Hello Therapist: I’m facing issues about my sexuality & do not feel comfortable around boys; What should I do?
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Hello Therapist, 

I'm facing some issues about my sexuality. And that's one of the reasons why I feel awkward to talk to guys. I've been restricted so much to talk to guys. That's why, I don't feel comfortable to talk to guys. I get more conscious about myself and find it really hard to even look at them. I just feel sad, that I can't talk to guys. I am trying to build my vanity these days. Can you please tell me, how can I solve these issues and have courage to talk to guys? I'd be very grateful to you, if you help me with this.

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

Sexuality is an important aspect of perceiving the world around us. Many times, people find it difficult to accept their sexual orientation, inclination or preferences. You seem to be experiencing anxiety related to the core of you've been. There seems a bit of confusion & hindrance from you about opening up a sexuality-related issue.

Let me clear your understanding with the most likely possibility that you may be experiencing at this moment:

If you have been born as a female and not been able to identify yourself as belonging to the female gender; then possibly you're experiencing what we call as "gender dysphoria". (The same applies to someone born as a male who feels himself more like a female).

In this situation, a person may go through tremendous emotional pain & confusion as they can't experience their sexuality in sync with their physical organs. In short, though been appearing externally as of a particular gender, thier emotional sense of gender is the opposite one. A boy born with gender dysphoria may prefer to appear like girls & may like to be involved into girly things (like dressing, plays & grooming) since the childhood. During adolescence, this may make the person who is born as male (who is actually a female within) to experience sensual attraction towards males (rather than females). Looking at the anxiety you are experiencing about males, it seems more likely that you are possibly born as a male. But your brain or emotional sense of self is more like a female and that is making you feel this trouble while interacting with guys. You may need to discuss with your parents or a professional, who can guide you through this process. Your parents need to be considerate enough for your experience which is natural & that carries absolutely zero fault from you or your parents or your upbringing style. It's just a rarely observed error by the nature itself, that it assigned physical organs of a man for someone like you who is actually a woman by the heart or brain.

I wish to let you know, that you just can't change the way you perceive yourself as a woman. No treatment can make the changes in your brain about perception of your sexuality...It is perfectly natural & you need to accept it the way it is. The only possible solution is - After thorough assessment by the team of Multiple Specialist, (if recommended) you may consider a "Gender Re-Assignment Surgery" if you feel to correct this fault made by nature. This can only make you experience the way you are inside out!

Till the time, you get few things clear; you may need to resolve this conflict and be open to accept your being. The more you resist something, it persists. I understand that, it may be difficult for you to be with guys who have a totally different set of topics to discuss or different way of perceiving the world around. But you may definitely try to be friends with those who understand your situation & are empathetic towards you. Once you accept yourself unconditionally, you hardly care for an approval of others' acceptance. I hope this relieves your anxiety about guys & makes you clear about your sexuality or gender as well. Stay blessed!

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

Also Read: Hello Therapist: I am married & feel guilty for getting attracted to a guy in my gym; What should I do?

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Anonymous 3 months ago

Good suggestion