Hello Therapist: My boyfriend is very controlling & doesn’t let me be; I’m also falling for another guy; HELP

Dr Shivangi Pawar, Consultant psychotherapist is here to help you solve your anonymous doubts. Find out more

Updated on Dec 31, 2020   |  06:49 AM IST  |  324.7K
Hello Therapist: My boyfriend is very controlling & doesn’t let me be; I’m also falling for another guy; HELP
Hello Therapist: My boyfriend is very controlling & doesn’t let me be; I’m also falling for another guy; HELP

Hello Therapist, 

I'm 22 years old and dating someone for almost 3 years. Before that, I was having a relationship of 7 years but due to disrespect and misunderstanding, we broke up. With the current guy, all is good. I love him he also very caring but the problem is he is very protective he doesn't allow me to go night out with friends, stops to talk too much in one sentence he controls my every action because of that I m very depressed. He changed me completely. I don't know what to do should I take a break with him or just be quiet. Many times I discuss this with him but every time he uses to say he cares for me that’s why he controls me. Now I am not feeling that much attach with him and the other problem is I m falling for another person in my office, it is just attraction in my view but I can't help in it, as I always want to talk with the other guy and I’m afraid if my boyfriend will get to know about this then how he will react. I don't want to cheat him, but I can't stop my feelings for the other guy I’m very confused and guilty. I don't know what to do. Please help me out.

Hello Pinkvilla Reader, 

Before understanding your current partner or his insecurities, it's very essential for you to understand what you want from a relationship. As you said you broke up your previous long-term relationship due to disrespectful behaviour, it's clear that you are someone who doesn’t want to compromise on respect. Currently, your partner is trying to control you as per your own statement. Trying to change or control someone is not love and certainly not respectful that's the reason you are falling for another person despite being committed. Before breaking up with your current partner or rushing into other relationships I would advise you to sit down and think that what is causing this pattern to repeat in your life. 

Ask these questions to yourself, are you someone who falls in love very fast, or do you make hormone-driven decisions? 

Do you compromise on things that matter to you at the beginning of a relationship?

Do you communicate your genuine feelings to your partner without hesitation?

How is your relationship with your family members are you searching for a partner just to fill some void in your life? 

At your age, it's natural to be confused but until you set your priorities straight to yourself and to others, you will keep attracting wrong people in your life. You must communicate your feelings and your expectations very clearly to the person before getting into any relationship.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

ALSO READ: Hello Therapist: I'm 20 & find it awkward to share room with my brother; My friends don't visit due to it

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