Hello Therapist: My husband is ADDICTED to watching girls & dirty films online; I have threatened to leave him

Today we have with us, Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist from Apollo Clinic, Pune helping you solve your anonymous doubts. Check it out
Hello Therapist: My husband is ADDICTED to watching girls & dirty films online; I have threatened to leave himHello Therapist: My husband is ADDICTED to watching girls & dirty films online; I have threatened to leave him
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Hello Therapist, 

I'm female got married since 8 years but my husband had pornographic and girls addiction.i fought with him day and night and explained very slowly as well and met with psychiatrist  but there is no use.we had 7 yrs boy.after we sleep he start watching in mobile searching for girls.he doesn't need relationship with me.he is ready to give divorce but he needs mobile and watching girls photos regularly. I am really exhausted watching this.even his best friends also told him to leave the addiction but he is not ready leave.can you please suggest any solution  of this problem.when he come to know family is important more than addiction.

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

I can understand the situation you have been through, due to this problematic behaviour in your husband.

As you have already mentioned: 

1) Your husband has been constantly pre-occupied with pornography to the extent, he doesn't care for the family & the relationship with you. 

2) He can't resist this obsessive impulse to watch porn, even for a single day - since probably last so many years.

3) He seems to have lost interest in other important areas of life (family, work, personal, friendship) so as to watch porn at the expense of neglecting his social, occupational functioning & responsibilities thereby.

4) Am glad that you have consulted him to a Psychiatrist to seek help, since it is beyond the capacity of your husband or you to convince him enough to modify this behaviour.

The reason that I mentioned all above findings, is that you may understand that the problem of your husband as watching porn compulsively, is not just a wrong behaviour on moral grounds; but possibly a mental health disorder.

Initially, maybe as a means of experiencing some sensual gratification, this has turned out beyond just a habit and now appears to be a "Problematic & Compulsive Sexual Behavior". Just as any kind of substance addiction; this behavioural addiction in your husband has started having a detrimental effect not only on himself but on the family as well.

As anyone who gets hooked onto drugs isn't aware of the hazards of it on personal, family, professional, social, financial & other domains of life; the same way probably your husband is still in denial about how this Compulsive Porn watching is impacting the life of himself & the family.

I understand, it is the most difficult thing to convince him about the same but you need to keep on trying. Your husband needs an evaluation by Psychiatrist (although your previous attempt might haven't been successful) & the treatment accordingly. Some medications help to relieve this Compulsive behaviour and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may be considered by the treating Psychiatrist, for a better outcome.

Compulsive Behavior has something to do with the brain circuits, that compels the person to watch the porn, despite being at a socially inappropriate place or time.

One more important advice I would like to give you is that, strictly avoid handling the mobile of your husband with your 7 years old son. Recently, due to online tutions, many kids have to use their parent's phone for academic reasons. Coming across any inappropriate content for the child (even though accidentally), may impact mental health of the child as well. Please be careful & rather than fighting with your husband, consider this as a disorder that your husband is struggling unknowingly & do seek the professional help. Being his wife, it may test your patience for the time his treatment lasts for a sufficient duration (maybe for few months at least). Seek help & TakeCare.

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Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

Also Read: Hello Therapist: I am married & feel guilty for getting attracted to a guy in my gym; What should I do?

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Anonymous 1 month ago

eh, all the "advice" is focused on acknowledging the problem. where is the solution? plus, if he hasn't shown any difference in 8 years with intervention from a therapist, friends and wife, what makes you suggest to continue this course of action? This is called self-deception, leaning on false hope. Intervention without consequences is useless. He has no remorse, ready to divorce. There is no leverage here. He lacks empathy. If you are financially independent, then circle your wagons, consult with a divorce lawyer, gather necessary evidence required to prove his neglect in the relationship, seek custody of your child and child support and leave him. You deserve better.

Anonymous 1 month ago

The more you try to stop him the more he will lean towards that . the best thing is not to treat him like a 10 year old petulent child and just let him be . he will soon grow tired himself .. The best part is by then you would have gained his confidence and trust too .

Anonymous 1 month ago

I think 8 years a long time to "let him be". He is a man child, one of those man, who are pampered throughout their life's and he sulks if told not to do wrong things. Sorry but he is not going change, and it will be better for you to either accept his behaviour or divorce. I think wife has done all she could. Unfortunately this man is not going to change or compromise to save his marriage or family.

Anonymous 1 month ago

What about her self-confidence and need for intimacy? Being selfless makes for great preaching. Don’t kid yourself. If your life away from him brings back your value of self-worth, kick him to the curb along with his cell phone. Hopefully there are no financial constraints involved. Otherwise its a hard choice you have to make for your child and yourself.

Anonymous 1 month ago

Very wise advice. Agree with you.