Hello Therapist: My manager thinks I am rude, I feel lost & don’t know what I am doing; How can I handle this?

In an Anonymous new segment by Pinkvilla, we have expert, Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale who is a Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist at Apollo Clinic Pune solving your personal doubts.
Hello Therapist: My manager thinks I am rude, I feel lost & don’t know what I am doing; How can I handle this?
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Hello Therapist,

I recently received feedback from my manager that people at work feel I am very rude. My manager didn't give specifics and I feel lost. I don’t do anything consciously and I don’t intend to be rude. I am not sure what is it that I am doing that is rude. How do I handle this?

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

I feel glad that you've considered valuing this feedback from your Manager in a constructive way. Congratulate the adult within you, who has decided to seek help from a professional for this issue.

Many times, HR departments of the corporate organization have this policy to collect feedback anonymously for regular updates & subsequent improvement in the interpersonal relations between co-workers. It would be advisable to collect some details from your colleagues, friends & family members whom you trust enough, so as to know about the situations that make you react with alleged rudeness. As you mentioned that you don't do anything consciously...Is there anything that is happening unconsciously by you! You have been a step closer in understanding what is this happening in between you & your office mates if you start thinking this way.

Here, I can share a few possibilities that may be making you noticed as rude, considering the socio-cultural factors we live in:

1) Are you shy or introvert in nature:

An office is a place where most of the working population spend their 2nd most sum duration of the lifetime, after sleep. Average work hours at Indian corporates is around 7-9 hours, excluding the time required for commuting. Isn't it just like a second family, where you work?

Some persons who are shy & introvert in nature have difficulty to be the part of any cohort and they can be recognised as standing at the corner of any Group photograph, just trying to fit in with a fake smile. Communicating with people may not bring any joy inside this kind of persons, as they feel more concern for the inner feelings & experiences. They might choose a book over the movie, jazz music over dance number and so on. If you feel that these are the traits that you inhabit; it would also be advisable for you to check if you are facing any social anxiety. It's not just the shyness but some discomfort & distress about usual social gatherings and subsequent avoidance, leading to being wrongly recognised by others as been rude. Introversion is a trait is partly modifiable & anxiety needs to be treated with the help of a therapist, in a way the usual social events don't make you feel that much distressing and a pretty enjoyable as well.

2) Are you indifferent & prefer to be alone for no reason:

Some people have a kind of personality trait that may make them appear to be emotionally cold to the social stimulus and socially withdrawn, without any anxiety or distress. They might just not feel the need to express or listen to anyone. They are not bothered at all about any social cues and may appear like a robot to others. This sort of indifference may be identified as rudeness by your office workers. If that had been the case, possibly one won't even make an effort to seek early help for this reason, as the person just doesn't bother about it.

3) Are you feeling insecure, jealous & entitled:

Insecurity, jealousy & entitlement is more often expressed in the body language, tone of the words one uses and overall vibes of a person that spoils the atmosphere of any group. In order to perform as a team, the members need to feel enough empathy towards needs of each other, compassion for each act of kindness offered and harmony in the atmosphere to feel safe & secure to express what one feels assertive. If that is the case, probably it would take a lot of efforts together to gain insight onto this perspective and modify in thyself after working on thinking patterns, emotions & behaviours related.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

Also Read: Hello Therapist: My boyfriend keeps texting a female colleague and hides it from me, what should I do?

Anonymous 5 months ago

Office mein kaun tha? Kaun tha? Tum thi? Main tha? Kaun tha? Ae Manager! Tum the Mujhe pagal bana diya bana diya aur meri neend haram kar gayi...

Anonymous 5 months ago

I am a rider! Provider!