Hello Therapist: We’ve decided to get married & I don’t want to stay with his family but he does; Please help

Dr Sonal Anand, Psychiatrist, Wockhardt Hospital, Mira Road is here to solve your anonymous doubts. Check it out
Hello Therapist: We’ve decided to get married & I don’t want to stay with his family but he does; Please help
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Hello Therapist, 

I'm 35 years old and dating someone for the last 3 years. We are planning to get married but I want to stay separate and not with his family..he wants to stay with all. I am not able to make a decision on marriage please suggest.

Hello Pinkvilla Reader, 

3 years of courtship is a pretty long time for a relationship to become strong as well as clear. The first question is how is your relationship with your guy? How committed are you two to each other? Are both of you ready to take the plunge and be prepared to make sacrifices for each other as in all marriages? Are you two ready to take responsibility for each other and your respective families? If your commitment is clear and fixed then deciding about the future can become a better-informed decision. 

Getting married into a joint family has its own pros and cons, especially if you’ve lived in a nuclear family. Joint family means less privacy, added responsibility, ego issues and more adjustments. Sometimes even basic things like clothing and food choices have also to be thought of. Loss of personal space, inability to make individual decisions and having to accommodate multiple points of view can be cumbersome for some. 

However ... there are some positives as well. Family support is required in today’s hectic lifestyle. House chores are better distributed. Loneliness, boredom is never a problem and even finances can be managed better ... especially in a crisis. The most distinctive advantage comes along with having a baby. Children need a lot of support and caring so if you are working then having in-laws at home comes as a welcome blessing. 

You should get to know the parents of the guy and see if you can adjust in their house. You could even talk about your expectations out of the marriage and get to know theirs as well. Try to find out why your guy does not want to live separate. Does he feel insecure about his parent’s health issues or emotional issues or misjudged responsibility? Try to communicate with him and find out his worries. 

Make a note of how much you are ready to adjust to the pros and cons and how deeply do you feel for this guy to decide on such a major decision.

You could come up with an alternative like renting a place to stay just beside or very close so that both of you are happy.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

Also Read: Hello Therapist: I’m 30 and my family is making me meet girls; I’m not ready for marriage, so please help

Anonymous 2 months ago

The best thing is take a small house near his family . that way he can visit them when he wishes and you will also have your privacy .