You got ghosted. Now what?

You didn’t even know each other’s favourite ice-cream flavour yet, how bad could it possibly get, right?
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Ghosting - the practice of ending a relationship silently by going MIA and pulling a digital disappearing act - might be a cruel one but certainly not uncommon in the age of digital dating.
 

You meet an attractive person on an attractive -person-meeting app on your phone. Maybe see each other a couple of times. Catch up over drinks; make a drunken confession (or maybe three) in a fit of making a connection and even let the night culminate in some real emotion-stirring conversation which you immediately regret.

Just when you think spending time with your potential S.O is better than watching reruns of Orange Is The New Black, you realise your umpteen, “Hey, wanna catch up?” messages have gone unanswered.

Radio silence, especially on messages that could possibly mean getting laid, could only men one thing.

 

My friend, you’ve clearly been ghosted.

Now, you might act all tough; after all, you met on a dating app with no intention of getting into a relationship (or at least, that’s what you’ll think for the sake of consolation). But, it won’t take time for the denial to transfigure into pain, hurt and confusion that your potential relationship has ended without a real ending. Not even a, “My girlfriend and I sort out our differences last night. So, we can’t happen anymore. Sorry.”
 

But, before fallïng into a downward spiral of “What did I do wrong?”, “Was I too clingy?” and “Am I going to die single?”, let’s take a look at our emotional guide for feeling less miserable when you’re ghosted.
 

Give yourself some time to wallow
 

Now, we don’t mean time enough to finish one tub of ice cream. Shoving down your anger does nada compared to letting your emotions run free. Have a ranting session with a few good friends over a bottle (or few) of Chardonnay.
 

Take some time to sit with your disappointment , even if it means moping for the longest time in your borderline filthy bathrobe.

Don’t go hunting for answers. . .
 

Now might not be the best time to resist the urge of stalking your ghoster on his Instagram and Snapchat stories, looking for some sort of clue. You might never get the answer you’re looking for, anyway. Instead of going all Sherlock on him, block, unfollow, and delete.

… and don’t even expect an apology

Sending a spiteful message while you’re clamoring for attention might feel empowering for the tim being, but it’s not going to guarantee a change of heart or an apology. Plus, you might just confirm that your ghoster, indeed, made the right choice.


 

Force yourself to put a positive spin on the incident
 

I know; easier said than done. But, regardless of how you felt when you were ghosted, you can take a few positives out of the incident like reassessing your dating strategies and cataloging (mainly, recognising) any relationship red flags in the early stages rather than jumping straight into bed. Approach dating like you’re trying to make friends (benefits to follow) with a potential S.O and not like you’re shopping for the best deals out there.

 

 

 

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