Hello Therapist: I am often embarrassed when my boss who is a woman gets angry at me; What should I do?

Today we have, Dr Rahul Ratan Bagale Psychiatrist & Psycho-therapist, Apollo Clinic, Pune solving our anonymous reader’s doubt.
Hello Therapist: I am often embarrassed when my boss who is a woman gets angry at me; What should I do?Hello Therapist: I am often embarrassed when my boss who is a woman gets angry at me; What should I do?
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Hello Therapist, 

I am 25 years old male working in a corporate. I have a female boss and she is supportive. However, she gets angry easily and its embarrassing for me when a female yells or gets angry at me in a meeting hall. Please help. 

Hello Pinkvilla Reader,

As we know, the 21st century has definitely been a good time with equal opportunities to everyone, based on the qualification and performance (irrespective of the differences we are born with).

Not only in the corporate world but in almost every sphere of life, we see many hard-working, talented and highly qualified women professionals giving their 100 percent for the organisation and field they work into. We have witnessed some astonishing results in the organisations which have been mentored and lead by such dynamic personalities. This might have totally changed the perspective of the society that perceives worth of a woman, especially since the last decade.

It is mostly during the upbringing of a person, that one develops this preliminary notion about the gender-based tasks. The sad reality is that we have been conditioned or primed during our childhood by our own parental figures or society, about what a man can do and what a woman can't do... What profession is supposedly meant for the man and what are the chores a woman must do. Creating this mental blockage has not been able to restrain the empowered women of the 21st century to optimally function with their capabilities and full potential.

Coming back to your story, as you feel your boss is supportive; still, you feel it is embarrassing when she yells or gets angry upon you in the meeting hall (just because she is a woman, perhaps an 'alpha female' who might be fearless, ambitious, confident leader and expecting her team members to keep the professional standards of the organisation up to mark).

Can you ask yourself a question, if your boss had been a male; would it had been the same embarrassing, pricking moment for you in such instances? I can understand, if you haven't been able to handle this situation when a woman is getting angry upon you, especially in the presence of your male colleagues. This might be hurting your male ego, but please try to understand, it's not the female who is angry upon you, but she might be getting upset as being your boss (who happens to be a female) and wants you to improvise your skills.

There is a rare possibility that you might have witnessed a woman who had shouted at you in past, with the high end of anger (maybe a family member, friend, colleague or the current boss herself) and since then you might be re-experiencing the same embarrassment or emotional anxiety response when such instances happen again. You may get yourself evaluated, for the signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) by nearby Psychiatrist, in case of extreme and unmanageable discomfort or panic that occurs even during your normal day to day functioning.

I hope you try to get out of this gender-based biases, so you may actually take it as constructive feedback and start working upon the areas that require to put some efforts. If the boss (whether male or female) is disproportionately or inappropriately expressing the anger, it's your response that matters how you convey her/him assertively about the same. When you call it an embarrassment, it would be advisable to figure out- is it the fear, anger, grief, shame, guilt or any other emotion that is making you feel the discomfort. The more you make yourself amenable to acknowledge emotions underneath this embarrassment, the more easily you might grasp your thoughts and beliefs. When you may convey your boss assertively, that you would appreciate it if your faults or mistakes are been explained in person, as you don't like to get scolded in the team meeting...Probably you've reached a step closer towards assertiveness.

You may learn some assertiveness and negotiation skills from a professionally qualified therapist so that the same situation doesn't drag you onto such embarrassment again and again.

Do you have a question to ask? Email us your queries at editorial@pinkvilla.com with ‘Hello Therapist’ in the subject. Shh… don’t worry, we’ll make sure to keep everything anonymous!

Disclaimer: Hello Therapist is an infotainment feature. The information contained in these topics is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, it is provided for infotainment purposes only. By submitting your queries to Pinkvilla, you agree that we may use and edit it partially /full for clarity and ease of understanding of our readers. The advice given is not be used as a substitute for consultation with a professional psychologist or other professional health or medical provider.

ALSO READ: Hello Therapist: I’m facing issues about my sexuality & do not feel comfortable around boys; What should I do?

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