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EXCLUSIVE: Shakuntala Devi's Vidya Balan: Have been working with a healer for years as I was unkind to myself
In an exclusive chat with Pinkvilla, about the film, why the story struck a chord with her, patriarchy, being unkind to your body, self-doubt, mental health. Shakuntala Devi releases on July 31.
Vidya Balan starrer Shakuntala Devi is all set to release on July 31 on Amazon Prime. The actress will be playing a titular role in the movie which chronicles the life of the mathematician genius. In an exclusive chat with Pinkvilla, Vidya opened up on the film, why the story struck a chord with her, patriarchy, being unkind to your body, self-doubt, mental health. Balan is excited for the movie to release and for the audience to see this 'amazing' story. Excerpts from the interview:
What struck a chord with you about Shakuntala Devi's world?
She is everything that you don't expect from a math genius. She laughs loudly, has a wicked sense of humour, she is interesting, she is interested in herself, she lives life to the fullest. I am not saying mathematician geniuses don't but our perception of anyone who likes maths is geeky, maybe boring, maybe serious but this woman singlehandedly breaks that myth. She had an amazing jest for life and the fact that she was embracing both her strengths, her gifts, her talents and also her of her shortcomings, weaknesses, and flaws. She thought she was amazing the way she was. I think that is very inspiring especially as a woman. Although I should mention that she didn't see herself as a woman but as an individual. 
We have this tendency to box people. Do you think we need to do away with this? Does it bother you?
It is easier to box people, we want to simplify everything. You can be so much more than what people perceive you. It depends on so many things you work stress, your mood. So, I think you shouldn't box people and see them unidimensional and especially as a woman. Though it is changing today but it is very easy to stereotype a woman. That is also because historically we have seen ourselves through the eyes of men, good, bad, or otherwise, that is the reality. Now we are aware that we don't need to do that anymore. But the patriarchal mindset is so deep-rooted, even women are equally victims as they are perpetrators of the patriarchal mindset.
When did you realise the harm patriarchal society has caused in general. When did you have this realisation?
I think I grew up in a nuclear family and we were given every freedom to be who we are. But when suddenly you start to see yourself from the context of the outer world, and you realise and begin to feel like you need to conform and adhere in order to fit in. You begin to define yourself in a very straight-jacketed way, not realising you can be so many things. With age, experience, you realise this and especially with being a public figure, you realise it more. That we all go through pressure, be it peer pressure, societal pressure, so many pressures to adhere to. At this time, to hold on to who you are, because I can never ever be everything everyone else wants me to and this happens over time. I think to me, this happened when I became an actor, I think the film set makes you learn lessons in a crash course. I have realised over time to love and accept yourself.
I have realised over time to love and accept yourself
Vidya Balan
In retrospect when you think of the journey you have had to love yourself... how does it feel?
Its been a long journey and it is working progress. I am not accepting of myself every single day, there are days when I get up feeling angry with myself, feel wrong-ed about something, some old rejection shows up, god knows what is the trigger, not feeling good about your body, so I think it is never absolute. The process is never complete. But, I think the thing is to realise and to see in thode times how far you have come and to realise that it is never too late to start working on yourself. When I say start working on yourself, I don't mean going to the gym, or change diet, but what I mean is just be kind to your self. I think most of us forget that. I have been working with a healer for a few years now, and that is something I had to learn. I used to be very unkind to my self, there are times when I still slip into being over critical and judgemental of myself, then I remind myself of my various strengths and then the things which bothered me, lose power over me.
Its been a long journey and it is working progress. I am not accepting of myself every single day
Vidya Balan
How difficult it is to be your own person in this industry?
It is very difficult to be on your person, Period. When you are known, it is that much tougher. I tried adhering for a while and realised it is so tough because when you enter a room, there are so many people and they will have 200 opinions about you depending on their mood, and you can't make everyone happy. The only person on whom you can depend on making you happy is you. That is the only guarantee. So, the easiest thing to do is make yourself love you first.
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