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Narcissistic Relationship: Signs You Are Dealing with a Narcissistic
True love never hurts anyone, but being in a narcissistic relationship can make you feel unloved and exploited. Read on to know about the signs of a narcissistic partner.
Self-love is important, but when it reaches a point where a person starts exhibiting behavioral patterns like extreme self-obsession, lack of empathy, gaslighting others feeling superior to others — understand that they are falling into the deep pit of narcissism. Contrary to what many people believe, narcissism is not always about people being obsessed with themselves — there's much more to that which we'll cover in detail in this article. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and the relationship is sabotaging your self-esteem, it's important you learn all about the narcissistic relationship patterns and take the necessary steps to find happiness for yourself.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a complex behavior characterized by an excessive interest in oneself and a lack of empathy and regard for others. Our contributor Mary Dobson, Licensed Psychotherapist, CEDS, and Founder/CEO - Lift Wellness, defines narcissism as, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable condition with defined criteria, and must be evaluated and treated by a professional. Individuals who suffer from NPD have low self-worth, and create a ‘false self’ identity for the outside world, in order to compensate for a sense of interior deficiency. Those with true NPD will struggle to accept wrongdoing or make genuine amends, due to the lack of acceptance for and integration of their failings. To admit wrongdoing would create a psychological crisis of shame and dismantling of the false self.” Narcissists often have an inflated sense of ego and require others to give them all the attention of the world and admire them. That being said, being in a narcissistic relationship can be a bumpy ride.
When dealing with narcissism, you may think about the reasons why they exhibit such behavior. Well, there isn’t any one reason behind it. Much like nature, the reasons behind it are complex and often deep-rooted. The surroundings of an individual during childhood often play a significant role in developing character. Our contributor Mary Dobson, explains, “Childhood trauma does not necessarily lead to narcissistic behaviour, but it frequently is a root cause of adult mental health issues, including narcissistic traits. Many who experience childhood trauma become empathic, considerate, and thoughtful adults, provided they receive adequate support services in a timely manner. Untreated childhood trauma is the single-most common origin of a wide range of psychological issues, including substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, as well as traits that resemble personality disorders.”
An individual’s genes can also make him or her narcissistic. It is a trait that leads to such behavior and human beings get their traits from their genes as well. Narcissism can also be caused by neurological issues. The way your brain responds and reacts to things also shapes your character and your impression of others. Neurobiology is the interdependent connection between your brain, behavior, and thinking ability. Due to neurological issues, there might be a disturbance and that may make one overly conscious and obsessed about themselves.
Narcissistic behavior builds up with time and situations and it is quite difficult to correct it.
If anyone among the couple is a narcissist or both of them are then that’s a narcissist relationship. Such a relationship is tense because either one keeps boasting about themselves without paying attention to the other partner. The partner in such a relationship suffers the most. If both of the partners are narcissists then there might be frequent ego clashes, arguments, and fights. That’s unhealthy as well. Read on to know more about the signs of a narcissistic relationship.
Top 10 Signs You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship
Narcissistic behavior in a relationship acts like a poison spoiling a beautiful bond that might have lasted a lifetime. You can adjust to different habits, but it is really difficult and often impossible to tolerate oppression from the person you love. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is also very taxing because toxic behavior can hurt one’s self-respect too. And that’s the most undesirable part of the challenge; most people break up because their self-respect might have been compromised or badly hurt by their narcissistic partner.
1. They Always Talk About Themselves
Whenever there is a conversation, narcissists tend to redirect it to themselves. They are generally very impatient and don’t want to listen to anybody praising or complimenting anyone else other than them. It can be irritating at times when they spoil interesting discussions by intervening in the talk and making it all about themselves.
2. They Always Want to Be Complimented
Narcissistic people love being complimented, often to the extent that it might get frustrating for their partners. They literally feed on them because that’s what a narcissist wants to hear and be treated with exclusive attention. What’s more interesting is that such compliments enhance their ego, and make them feel like they are on top of the world. Because they need external validation, if you don’t compliment them, they might become angry.
3. They Don’t Have a Supportive Social Group
We have often come across this idea that great people or the best of achievers are often alone; much like a lion. However, since we live in a social setup and meet people on a regular basis, friends matter. Narcissists depend on their partners for everything because they don’t have a strong social network. This may make you feel burdened as they’ll depend on you for almost everything.
4. They Cannot Tolerate Criticism
A narcissist will always want to listen to praises and compliments but that might not be possible every time. Narcissists don’t like to hear criticisms and feel that they only know what’s best for them. It’s a very unhealthy habit that they deliberately indulge in.
5. They Want to Get Special Treatment
If you have a narcissistic partner, you may always need to give them special attention. That can become stressful at times and may even make you feel trapped in the relationship. Such an acute need for special attention and treatment can be caused by bad treatment and lack of attention during their childhood.
6. They Aren’t Bothered About Your Feelings
Narcissist partners are also very insensitive because all they care about is just themselves. It can be highly disappointing and you may even feel like being taken for granted. But if your partner is a narcissist, they won’t bother much about it. You can try to discuss it with your partner but it might not be that helpful.
7. They Are Selfish
What’s annoying about narcissistic partners is that they are cunningly selfish. They know how to manipulate people and get things done. They’ll put on their best behavior when they need something from you, and later on, go back to being their toxic self.
8. They Are Manipulative
You would know that you are in a narcissistic relationship when you see your partner using you to get his or her job done. They don’t hesitate in using other people to fulfill their wishes, act as a victim of situations, or create fake situations to convince you. They know you won’t say ‘no’ to anything and take advantage.
9. They Are Shallow
Narcissistic people have an assumed idea about themselves; they think they are the best and the rest are dust. If you try to discuss other topics then they may tag you as geeky and
boring. It may sabotage your interests and enthusiasm too.
10. They Act Like the Most Important Person
They fail to understand that every individual has a definite role to play in society. Everyone is uniquely important. Narcissists see themselves as the only important people and behave accordingly. That’s why people around them are often hurt by their attitude.
Smart Ways to Deal with a Narcissistic
1. Get Information
Unless you know the problem you won’t be able to find the right solution. It may take some time for you to realize that you are in a narcissistic relationship. Gather as much information as possible about narcissism. Know how they think, talk to psychologists, and figure out ways to deal with your partner. Not all narcissists behave in a similar way. So, make sure you look for personalized solutions after studying your partner.
2. Talk to Your Partner
Once you’ve realized you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s time to have open communication with your partner. Talk to them about their behavior and how it's impacting your relationship. Offer them support and see if they are willing to make behavioral changes to make the relationship work. If not, know it’s not worth the efforts and part ways with your partner.
3. Don’t Take Their Comments Personally
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important that you don’t take their comments personally, or else it might sabotage your self-esteem. Narcissists think the world revolves around them and don’t like to pay a lot of attention to others — make sure to not take their comments by heart and stay strong.
4. Build a Strong Support Network
Support from well-wishers matters, especially when you are trying to deal with a complicated and complex subject. A narcissist would try to bring your morale to the ground. That’s why you must have your own support group(s) to stay strong and face difficult situations.
5. Set Boundaries And Focus on Yourself
It’s not easy to deal with a narcissistic — since they feel like the world revolves around them, their partner starts feeling low. If your partner is narcissistic and demands constant attention, be clear that you can’t adhere to their constant demands and need to focus on your personal growth too. Give time to your hobbies, spend time with your friends and family members, and spend some ‘me-time’ for soul rejuvenation.
Conclusion
A narcissistic partner needs help but you may not realize this from the very beginning of your relationship. Once you realize you are in a narcissistic relationship, take matters into your hands and communicate with your partner. See if they are willing to work on their behavior or not — it’s best if you seek help from professional therapists to understand the root cause of their behavior and resolve the issue. If nothing works and being in a relationship with a narcissist starts taking a toll on your mental health, it’s best to part ways with them.
Contributor: Mary Dobson, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Eating Disorder Specialist, Founder/CEO - Lift Wellness
ALSO READ: Enlightening And Famous Quotes About Narcissism
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