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Toxic Friends: 20 Subtle Signs of an Unhealthy Friendship
Toxic friends are easy to find but exhausting to live with. They sparingly add value to your life. Learn to identify and deal with bad friends like an expert.
Friendship is one of the most valued relations in people's lives. Friends are the family you choose and cherish for life. Good friends make you feel loved and cherished, they are there for you through thick and thin and make sure you never feel alone. But toxic friends can ruin people for life. As opposed to making your life happier, these friends leave you unhappy. Such people also fleece you of money. They are easy to befriend but challenging to walk away from. Here you will learn about the different categorizations of toxic people and the signs of an unpleasant relationship. Ultimately, you’ll also learn ways to fix a toxic friendship and live a peaceful life.
What Are the Types of Toxic Friends?
The term "toxic" is given to people whose presence in your life deteriorates your physical, mental, or financial state. Such people could be anyone around you, even your best friends. A toxic friend will make you feel bad for yourself. They often take advantage of your resources, and their presence leaves you exhausted. They could manipulate you to do their work and not treat you like an equal. There are eight broad categorizations of such people, as given below:
1.The User
These types of friends are only with you because they want to get something in return. They may use you for money or favors. Some people also become friends with others to use them as an emotional dump yard. You will often have one-sided conversations with them regarding emotional balance.
2.The Manipulator
Manipulators desire to make people their puppets. They want everyone to do as they say and never raise a voice. Manipulators usually dislike being questioned and cannot give reasonable answers.
3.The Drama Queen
These people have to be the center of attention everywhere. Whether on a trip to the mall or a wedding, they want to attract the crowd and make the day about themselves.
4.The Gossip Monger
Such friends love to talk about other people behind their backs. They love to share secrets with you but will also tell your secrets to others.
5.The Negative Nancy
Never become friends with people who have a habit of regretting their past and complaining about the present. They will most likely regret it in the future as well.
6.The Jealous Friend
Jealous friends constantly compare themselves to you. They may try to sabotage your success. Jealous people also want you to feel bad for yourself. Our contributor Mollie Spiesman, shares the signs of a jealous person, saying, “Jealousy often shows up as insecurity and possessiveness. If someone is constantly questioning your actions or isolating you, it's a sign. Trust your instincts and have open conversations about boundaries and trust within the relationship.”
7.The Energy Vampire
They are hostile and demanding. Their nagging will bring your energy levels down and leave you drained.
8.The Gaslighters
Gaslighting is a highly toxic trait for people. If you are friends with such people, you will question your existence. They’ll make you feel wrong about everything you know and question your reality.
20 Signs of a Bad Friend You Need to Watch out for
The first or second meeting with someone never discloses their true nature. You may often feel unhappy and burnt out after meeting such friends. These are all red flags in relationships. Here are some more signs that indicate you are in an unhealthy friendship:
1. They Are Always Negativeunh
Your friend is always negative and never manages to say anything good. They always complain about the day, work, and even their partner. They seem to find the worst in every person and situation. People of this nature will not congratulate you for success but tell you the flip side of the case. It can be draining, demoralizing and kills your optimism.
2. They Try to Put You Down
They constantly put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Toxic friends continuously criticize you, point out your flaws, and make you feel like you're not good enough. They also try to make you feel insufficient if you think you need them. It can be emotionally damaging and can lead to low self-esteem.
3. They Try to Control Your Behavior
Toxic people always try to control you and want you to do things their way. Such friends may try to control your behavior, choices, and thoughts. They often keep you to themselves and remove other friends from your life. You live a guilt-ridden, isolated life. It can suffocate and make it difficult to live your own life. Our contributor Mollie Spiesman, an LCSW and Psychotherapist shares ways to deal with manipulative people. She says, “When dealing with manipulative individuals, remember that you have the right to set boundaries. Trust your gut if something doesn't feel right, and communicate your needs assertively. Surround yourself with a supportive network and consider seeking professional guidance if the situation becomes overwhelming.”
4. They Are Jealous of Your Success
They are always jealous of your accomplishments and successes. Overbearing friends are never happy for you when you succeed. They may try to sabotage your success. They will draw attention to their glory and outshine you in every event. It can be hurtful and discouraging.
5. They Always Gossip Around You
Toxic friends are often very negative and judgmental. They gossip about other people and talk behind their backs. It can be hurtful and damaging to the relationships of the people they are talking about.
6. They Have an Excuse for Everything
They always make excuses for their bad behavior. Sadistic friends often have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions. You will never hear them apologize for their lousy behavior. They always blame it on the situation or someone else. They are careless and need help understanding the gravity of the problem. It is frustrating for the other friend, and with time, people tend to lose trust in such people.
7. They Blame You for All Their Problems
They always blame you for their problems. Toxic friends often have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions and mistakes. They may blame you for their problems or make you feel sorry for their mistakes. Having a healthy relationship with them can be emotionally draining and challenging.
8.They Drive You Into Guilt
Bad friends may try to make you feel guilty for no reason. You could disagree on something as small as a brunch location, and they will stay gloomy throughout the afternoon; upon asking why, you will be shocked to know that it was all your fault. They may try to take you on a guilt trip for not being there for them enough. It can be manipulative and can make it difficult to set boundaries.
9. They Are Always Borrowing Something
Toxic people are very good at asking for things. Whether it is your bike, earring, or money, they feel they own whatever you have and do not have to ask often. They are always taking advantage of you. Such friends may often ask for favors but never return them. They may take a significant financial loan and never pay it back. It signifies a lousy relationship and creates permanent ridges in your friendship.
10. Your Friendship Is One-sided
They always ask for favors but never return them. Signs of an overbearing friend include not trying to keep the friendship alive. Such people often prioritize others over you but want others to keep you on a high pedestal. It is infuriating and often makes you feel like you're being used.
11. They Never Respect Your Time
Some people have the habit of constantly bailing out on plans. These individuals will always have an overly busy schedule and boast about it. But they never reach anywhere on time. They even wait till the last minute to cancel. It leaves others in a lurch, wasting precious time. Toxic people are not reliable and will leave you stranded.
12. They Are Unreliable
Toxic people may often be unpredictable. Bailing out on small meetings is easy but they will make you late for everything and smudge your image.
13. They Are Not True to Their Word
They always make promises they don't keep. They have the trait to make flamboyant promises. Their vision is out of this world, and they only desire the best things in life. But more than often, their vision falls short of hard work. They will easily promise stuff in return for a favor but never deliver.
14. Their Needs Always Come First
Ungrateful friends may often set their own needs before yours. They may not be available for you emotionally when you need them. Toxic people are unwilling to compromise and see nothing beyond their happiness. It can be hurtful and can make you feel like you're not vital to them.
15. They Drain Your Energy
Classic signs of a toxic friendship include being unhappy and depressed after meeting your friends. It happens because they say nothing to cheer you or listen to your part of life.
16. They Cause Stress
Bad friends always make you feel stressed and anxious. They may always be talking about their problems, asking for help, and may even be emotionally abusive.
17. They Emotionally Blackmail You
Breaking a friendship with a toxic person is impossible. They will emotionally blackmail you. They claim that their life is nothing without you. Some people may threaten you as well.
18. You Often Lie to Save Them
When you are friends with toxic people, you lie often. Your toxic friends usually throw you under the bus and expect you to save them by lying.
19. Their Absence Makes You Happy
If you take a sigh of relief every time your plan to meet them gets canceled, you are in a toxic friendship. Your mind itself is telling you not to be in their company.
20. They Do Not Like Competition
Once you make a toxic friend, the genuine ones will start moving away from you. Your controlling friends will be unhappy if you try to make new friends. They want you just for themselves.
How to Deal with Toxic Friends?
Dealing with a toxic friend can be difficult, but always remember that there are many people who are facing this issue in life. They, too, want to rectify their life, and resources are available to help. Don't give up hope. You can overcome this with the below-mentioned steps:
1. Identify the Toxic Behavior
The first step to ending a toxic friendship is to accept you are in one. Ask yourself some burning questions about your friendship. Understand if their presence in your life has brought in some positive change or only negativity. Assess your past relationships and build self-confidence. Once you've identified the toxic behavior, write down a plan to deal with it in person.
2. Set Boundaries
Once you've identified the toxic behavior, it's time to set boundaries. Effectively communicate to your friend what you will and will not tolerate. Talk to them about your embarrassing moments and ask them not to repeat them. Do not take an insult in public and remind them that they will not accept the same.
3. Don't Engage in Negative Conversation
When your toxic friends start to engage in negative conversations, stop them. Try to divert the topic of discussion or make an excuse to walk away. You could pretend to be on a fake phone call to save your sanity. You don't have to listen to their negativity.
4. Don't Be a Doormat
It's crucial to voice your mind and stand up for yourself. Do not let your friend walk all over you. If they're constantly asking you for favors or money, it's okay to say no. You don't have to follow their every order. You might face flack initially, but you need to stay firm on your answer. If your friends break the relationship, they are never faithful to it.
5. Don't Be Afraid to Walk Away
Walking away from the friendship is okay if the toxic behavior continues. It is painful to please a toxic persona, and it will leave you exhausted. Staying in an unhealthy relationship can change your perspective of self and demotivate you.
6. Seek Support
If you're struggling to deal with a toxic friend, seeking support from others is essential. You must talk to a trusted friend or family member. People should also take help from a professional therapist as they give you an unbiased opinion.
7. Remember That You're Not Alone
Toxic friendships are common in today’s time. Many people have been in your shoes. Don't feel like you're the only one dealing with this. Talk to your friends and family members and find solutions together.
8. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Focusing on positive people helps you gain strength. Spend time with other friends who make you feel good about yourself. People in unhealthy relationships often lose self-confidence. They should also take up physical exercise to deal with the stress—some people like taking up long-lost hobbies.
9. Take Care of Yourself
When you're dealing with a toxic friend, it's essential to take care of yourself. Ensure you get good sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise. Taking care of yourself and exercising will help you come out of stress.
10. Don't Give up Hope
It's important to remember that you can overcome this. With time and support, you can heal from the damage that has been done. You can find healthy friendships that will make you happy.
Conclusion
Everyone needs friendly people in their life to get through everyday stress. Relationships are easy to get into but challenging to maintain. But toxic friends are tough on several levels. Most people do not understand the importance of walking away from such relations. It is critical to note the signs of a toxic relationship early to save your mental health. You may care for your toxic friend too much to let go, but every person needs to prioritize their sanity over others. Use some of the suggestions given above to deal with your stressful relationship and lead a happy life.
Contributor: Mollie Spiesman, LCSW and Psychotherapist - Click here for blog
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