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23 Gut-wrenching Signs He Is Using You And Doesn't Really Care
Being able to read clear and stark signs he is using you can help you establish healthy and necessary boundaries to protect yourself against emotional damage. Banner:
Relationships can be a wonderful source of support and love, but they can also turn sour if one person is taking advantage of the other. This is especially true in relationships where the male partner is dominant. You must have noticed how he gets hot and cold, gets angry when you do not meet his expectations, is against labeling the relationship, and never bothers about fulfilling your wishes. However, he also casually flirts with you when you confront him about his behavior. Has all this made you feel confused and left wondering "Why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship?"
So, it is essential to recognize the red flags and address unhealthy dynamics. Being used by someone you care about can be a painful realization, and the sooner you identify the signs he is using you for his benefit, the better your chances of salvaging the relationship or moving on. In this article, we will discuss some common indicators that your partner may be using you. Moreover, by understanding these warning signs, you will be able to protect yourself and invest your time and energy into relationships that truly serve your best interests.
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He Only Calls You When Convenient
You start noticing that your partner only calls you at night or when bored. He also never speaks to you when he is around other people. Also, most of his calls are short, and he does not seem to genuinely want to talk. Moreover, he never bothers asking about how your day was, all he talks about is himself. All these are signs that your partner is not interested in you and is only using you to pass the time.
2. He Never Takes You Out on Dates
When you are in an honest relationship with someone, going on dates to have fun and enjoy with each other is natural. However, if your boyfriend never makes an effort to plan a date with you or denies the idea whenever you ask him to go on a date is a red flag signifying that you are being used and he doesn't want to invest time or money on pleasing you.
3. He Is Never Available for You on Weekends
How often do you get tired of listening to "Hey babe, I'm not available during weekends" or "Hi love, I have other plans"? When your precious guy is using you at his convenience, he will speak highly from Monday to Thursday and may even make you dream of dates or Friday night plans. However, the moment Friday comes, he will either ghost you or will be way too busy to even bother to talk to you. Now, please understand, at times, he may genuinely be busy. But if this becomes a pattern, it is a big sign your boyfriend is using you.
4. He Hardly Replies to Your Texts or Calls
One of the biggest signs he is using you is his inability to communicate. It is a major red flag if your boyfriend can not even reply to your text messages or call you back when he is not super busy. When a person is interested in you, they will make time for you and make sure you are always a priority in their life. They will also ensure to be in constant contact with you or at least update you about their day whenever they get time. However, if your boyfriend is not interested in you, he will most likely ignore your calls and text messages and will not care if you get worried about him.
5. He Avoids Serious Discussions
Another subtle yet prominent sign he is using you is when he constantly avoids having any serious conversations with you. For example, when you are trying to have a serious talk about the future of your relationship, your boyfriend will always find a way to divert the conversation away from that topic, or he will try to create a distraction for you by bringing up a completely irrelevant subject. Moreover, he may even sweet talk you into agreeing with him and changing your opinion on that matter.
6. He Has Not Introduced You to His Friends
When a man is serious about his girlfriend, he proudly makes her meet the other important people in his life – if not family, then at least close friends and colleagues. Making your partner meet your BFFs is a surefire way to show how much they love you and wish you to be accepted by their circle of friends. Now, if you are wondering why your boyfriend still has not made you meet his close friends, it is probably because he is using you and is not serious about you.
7. His Love for You Is Restricted to Behind Closed Doors Only
One of the most obvious signs he is using you is when he does not show any act of love when you are out with him or on a date. But he becomes extremely affectionate and wants to have lots of intimate time when you are alone at home. We understand that not everyone is comfortable with PDAs. However, if you guy only acts like a friend outside but explores your body sensually in private, he is likely not in love with you.
8. He Does Not Share Anything Personal
When you are in a committed relationship with your boyfriend, you tell each other personal things like fears, insecurities, family background, goals, etc. Sharing personal things with each other comes naturally because you are in love with each other, and you trust the other person with your deepest secrets. However, when your boyfriend never shares any personal information with you or simply twists the answers to your questions, it is a clear sign that he is using you and is not faithful to you.
9. He Never Pampers You
How bizarre does it sound when your friends tell you that their boyfriend does cute things to pamper them while you are just sitting there feeling bad for yourself because your boyfriend doesn't? Firstly, not everyone's love language is the same. However, every once in a while, any guy who is serious about his girl will make sure she knows that she is special and that he cares about her with little pampering acts. If your partner never pampers you and gives lame excuses as to why he doesn't, then you need to ask yourself why you are still with him because he is clearly using you for something else.
10. He Is Always on His Phone
When your boyfriend hardly ever takes you out or plans anything special for the two of you, you are bound to feel excited when he finally decides to spend some quality time with you. However, if he is always on his phone despite being together and seems distracted, you might want to consider if he is being secretive about something. You can even confront him if he is too preoccupied to spend quality time with you. Either of these may mean that he is using you or the time together as a means to avoid something else.
11. Your Friends Do Not Trust Him
When it comes to trusting someone, it is important to look out for warning signs. Although it can be difficult to know what to do when your close friends tell you that they do not trust your boyfriend, remember that they have your best interests at heart. So, if your best friends are telling you that they think he is using you, it may be worth considering why they feel this way. Taking the time to look at the situation objectively can help you make a decision about whether or not you should continue trusting or being with your partner.
12. You Have a Bad Gut Feeling About Him
If you have a strong gut feeling about your boyfriend, it is essential to pay attention to it. It is possible that are you overlooking things when he may actually be using you for his benefit and not considering your feelings or needs. In this case, it is important to take a step back and evaluate the situation when your intuition tries cautioning you. Consider the facts, rather than just your feelings, and determine if there are any red flags that indicate he might be taking advantage of you.
13. He Is Extremely Nice Only When He Wishes to Be
When you are in a committed relationship with your boyfriend, you will obviously want him to be nice, sweet, genuine, caring, and loving. However, when you notice that your guy often does not have a good attitude, he is not nice, not sweet, only until he wants something from you, it is a strong sign he is using you. This means he will start sweet talking to you, telling you how much he loves you, how he will do anything for you, how he will be your everything, he will even pretend to be a gentleman, and will politely ask you for something — be it money or sex. The moment he gets what he wants, he will be cold to you and may even ghost you.
14. He Never Lets You Say "No"
If your partner constantly insists that you do everything, even against your wishes, this could be a sign that they are taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. Also, notice how much they pressurize you to do things that satisfy them or how their behavior becomes demanding or aggressive when you don't do what they want. Moreover, if you still are in denial, try saying "no" the next time they give you a task, and check their reaction. The more they push you into doing things you do not want to do, the more they are being selfish and controlling and are simply using your feelings for them.
15 .He Loves Asking for Favors
Asking for favors can be a sign of respect and appreciation. But if your boyfriend is consistently asking for favors, like asking you to pay for his expenses or always asking you to do his chores, it is a warning sign he is using you. Moreover, if your partner is taking advantage of your love for him, he will stop asking for favors once he gets whatever he wants and will speak to you only when he needs something else again.
16. He Does Not Fulfill Your Desires
One of the prominent signs he is using you for his benefit is when he does not fulfill your desires, needs, or wishes. He is not trying to make you happy and content, but rather, he is simply using you to meet his own desires or is with you for the wrong reasons. When he does not fulfill your wishes, it is not because he does not want to, but because he is trying to fulfill his own. When he does not fulfill your needs, it is because he cares only about himself and knows what actions may best serve his interest. It can be hard to accept this reality, but it is important to remember that you deserve better. So, re-evaluate your relationship with him so that you are not being used.
17. He Throws Tantrums When You Do Not Fulfill His Demands
When your boyfriend starts using you as a tool to get what he wants, it is a sign that he is emotionally unavailable for you and does not want a long-term relationship with you. What makes it worse is when he starts throwing tantrums when you do not go along with his demands or do not fulfill whatever he asks for. These tantrums may be over small issues like not buying him a new mobile phone when he wants it or over bigger issues like denying to let him stay over or not being willing to get intimate. Also, his reaction may vary from day-to-day arguments to emotional and verbal abuse. So, it is important to recognize the warning signs that he may be taking advantage of your good nature and take steps to protect yourself from emotional manipulation.
18. He Becomes Hot And Cold as Per His Mood
It is crucial to recognize how often your boyfriend goes hot and cold as per his needs. On some days, he will be extremely attentive and caring, and on other days he will be indifferent. Sometimes, mood swings are normal when someone is trying to cope with stress. However, if you notice that your partner behaves like this in order to get his way, this is a red flag. This is a common tactic that many people use to get what they want. Moreover, please understand that the more you give in to your boyfriend's demands, the more likely he will continue to use this tactic, and the more you will find yourself being used.
19. He Has Used You to Get Ahead
If you are really honest with yourself, we request you to ponder over previous incidents when your boyfriend might have used you to get something he wanted. For instance, if you are in an authoritative position, he might have used you to get a better job, a better apartment, or to get his way in a disagreement with his boss. Similarly, if you are very rich or come from a privileged background, he might have used you to further his business or social contacts. At times, you tend to ignore such hints because you are blinded by your love for your guy and want to believe that he can do nothing wrong. However, these incidents are subtle signs he is using you and is not really interested in you, the relationship, or a future with you.
20. He Does Not Understand the Concept of Give And Take
A happy and healthy relationship is between two individuals who balance each other's needs and emotions. It is based on the concept of give-and-take. However, when you are in an unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend, you will always be giving infinitely without him ever meeting your needs. You will be doing more for your partner, you will be putting them first, and you will be taking on their emotional baggage. In other words, you are in a one-sided relationship. This, again, is an obvious sign he is using you for emotional support and not really for love.
21. He Brags About Your Materialistic Attributes
How often have you found yourself praising the man you are in love with? It is very natural for you to say good words about him, his nature, his smile, his love, how he makes you feel loved and comfortable, and so on. But how often have you found that same guy bragging about what you have rather than who you are? For example, he will boast about how much money you make, how big an apartment you live in, the car you own, your job title, or how many gifts you have bought for him. While glorifying you, at times, is not wrong, it is not healthy when all he talks about is your material possessions. This is a common sign he is using you and is simply euphoric that he is getting everything he wants by fooling you into believing that you are the one for him.
22. He Does Not Remember Any Details About You Or the Relationship
Don't we love it when our boyfriends remember small details about us? This only happens when both partners are equally invested in each other. However, if your boyfriend is using you for his personal gains, he will never bother remembering any details or milestones when it comes to you and the relationship. Moreover, if you confront him about not remembering things, including what you like, dislike, and what makes you happy, he will not take it seriously and dismiss it, somehow making you feel stupid for pinpointing irrelevant issues. He may even mock you for being childish or overly emotional. This is a clear indication that he doesn't see you as his equal partner and is only using you to satisfy his own needs.
23. He Always Relies on You to Save Him
Reliability is a critical factor in a healthy, happy, and long-lasting relationship. But what will you do if you cannot rely on your boyfriend and instead he relies on you for a good life? From taking care of his food and laundry to his expenses and needs, he relies on you to be a perfect partner as if you owe him everything. How often have you noticed him calling you at odd hours requesting money, asking for a lift, or even borrowing from you so he can look cool in front of his friends (whom you have never met)? Moreover, the moment you decide to bring this topic up, he will turn the tables on you and accuse you of being over-critical. He may even instantly switch into the sweetest boyfriend you have ever known and talk his way out of the problem. If you have been in such a relationship, you know intuitively that he is using you, and the relationship is toxic.
Conclusion
Many people enter relationships with genuine intentions of love and companionship, but sometimes underlying motives can surface, causing harm and confusion. It is crucial to recognize the signs that your partner may have ulterior motives in a relationship. By understanding the signs he is using you for your body or money, you can avoid becoming trapped in a cycle of exploitation, have an honest conversation with him, and ultimately protect your emotional well-being and avoid unnecessary heartache. If you are genuinely invested in the relationship, we suggest you seek the professional help of a relationship coach or therapist to remove yourself from the relationship and move on.
