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101 Funny Dad Quotes, Captions, And Sayings for Giggles
Dive into our collection of some fantastic funny dad quotes, sayings, and captions to get the superhero of your life laughing. Disclaimer, he will keep ROFL!
No gift can make a dad happy — because he has everything! But, your kind gestures can definitely bring a smile to his face. Hold on, why just make him smile when you can make him laugh from the bottom of his heart? So, here you go! We have got you a bank of funny dad quotes, captions, and sayings that are guaranteed to keep him laughing until his stomach hurts. His laughter and the wide grin on his face — it is going to be priceless and indeed a visual and sensory treat!
A dad leaves no stone unturned to fulfill your needs and desires. So, now that it's your turn, you can make him feel special in the most comic way possible.
You can craft a greeting card, write notes, or simply crack some jokes out loud, he is going to love it! A heartfelt letter or a humouristic message too is going to keep him ROFL. So, whether he is a new dad or an experienced one (quite literally), you can be equipped with everything to brighten up his day! Scroll down and check out some hilarious father quotes, captions, and sayings right away!
Funny Dad Quotes, Captions, & Sayings That’ll Keep You Laughing
Glance through some funny dad quotes, captions, and sayings and kickstart the laughter riot anytime anywhere.
Funniest Dad Quotes
1. "To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." — Ernest Hemingway
2. "We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'" — Erma Bombeck
3. “Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” — Al Unser
4. "A father carries pictures where his money used to be." — Steve Martin
5. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” — Mark Twain
6. “A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” — Frank A. Clark
7. “Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” — Rodney Dangerfield
8. “A father’s words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.” — Paul Lewis
9. “A good father is one whose only reason for putting down a laughing baby is to pick up a crying one.” — Linda Poindexter
10. “Four-year-old: ‘Tell me a scary story!’ Me: ‘One time, little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.’ Four-year-old: ‘Why?’” — James Breakwell
Funny Quotes About Being a Dad
11. "Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.'" — Ryan Reynolds
12. “Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.” — Mike Myers
13. “The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” — Clarence Darrow
14. “Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio: Everything’s momma. What’s the dad song? ‘Papa Was a Rolling Stone.’” — Chris Rock
15. “You don’t need drugs when you have a [baby]. You’re awake, you’re paranoid, you smell bad… it’s the same thing.” — Robin Williams
16. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” — Greg Kinnear
17. “I have a lot of kids. I say a lot because I don’t know the real number.” — Jim Gaffigan
18. “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” ― John Wilmot
19. “I just sit there and make up songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now.” — Elton John
20. “I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.” —Mario Cuomo
21. “It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, he’s got four teeth like they care.” — Seth Meyers
22. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” — Lin Manuel Miranda
23. “I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.” — Andy Richter
24. “I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.” — Jimmy Kimmel
25. “Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.” — Stephen Colbert
26. “The most ridiculous thing I have heard myself say is, ‘Do you want your pop-pop, your banky, or your baba?’ Translation: 'Do you want your pacifier, your blanket or your bottle?’” — Taye Diggs
27. “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.” — Jim Gaffigan
28. Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.” — Conan O’Brien
29. “You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food on the carpet.” — Neil Patrick Harris
30. “Having a 2-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.” — Jerry Seinfeld
31. “Whenever one of my children says, ‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ I always think to myself, ‘You don’t mean that.’” — Jim Gaffigan
32. “How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?” — Taye Diggs
33. “On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting daddy’s freedom.” — Ryan Reynolds
34. “I would rather drink a piping hot bowl of liquid rabies than get on a plane with my two children. At two years old they just have to rip all their clothes off and introduce themselves to everyone on the plane. It’s just like, ‘Please can we land in a farmer’s field?’” — Ryan Reynolds
35. “I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.” — Kevin Hart
36. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” — Bob Odenkirk
37. “My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas, I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” — Jim Gaffigan
38. “I used to say ‘I would take a bullet for you, I could never love anything as much as I love you.’ I would say that to my wife, but the second I looked into that baby’s eyes, I knew in that exact moment that if we were ever under attack, I would use my wife as a human shield.” — Ryan Reynolds
Funny Fatherhood Quotes
39. “Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” — Chris Martin
40. “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours.” — Conan O’Brien
41. “Kids are creepy. What happens if I wake up in the middle of the night, look over and my child is standing in the doorway? Do I run? Which direction do I run? Towards it? Away from it?” — Jordan Peele
42. “The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid, but—at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; It’s just full all the time.” — Matt Damon
43. “My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.” — Jeff Foxworthy
44. “Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.” — Reed Markham
45. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” — Jon Stewart
46. “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” — George W. Bush
47. “The worst part about being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn’t cool.” — Rob Delaney
48. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” — Jerry Seinfeld
49. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” — Jim Gaffigan
50. “My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.” — Spike Milligan
51. “The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you’re unqualified to do, and then you become qualified while doing it.” — John Green
52. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” — Charles Wadsworth
53. “If you’re not yelling at your kids, you aren’t spending enough time with them.” — Mark Ruffalo
Funny New Dad Quotes
54. “Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” — Dave Barry
55. “Being a parent involves an unnecessary amount of fake enthusiasm around little kids’ poo being in a toilet.” — Jim Gaffigan
56. “Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” — Red Buttons
57. “Having one child makes you a parent. Having two kids makes you a referee.” — David Frost
58. “Missing your child’s first walk proves you are a father.” — Stephen Colbert
59. “Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” — Martin Mull
60. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” — Ed Asner
61. “For fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye…get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That’s about all you need.” — Will Ferrell
Funny Advice For a New Dad
62. Being a dad is when you realize you can actually like people who puke in your car multiple times.
63. New dad advice: teach them to call you 'your majesty.'
64. Being a dad means learning how changing a mountain of diapers can change your whole life.
65. When your kids are toddlers, they'll embarrass you constantly in the grocery store, at the doctor's office, at the park, everywhere. When they're teenagers, it's Dad's turn to pay them back.
66. Pro tip: Learn how to 'fix' toys by removing the batteries.
67. For the first two years, being a good dad is mostly about keeping your kid from finding new and creative ways to hurt himself.
68. The key to being an awesome dad is aging without maturing.
69. In the first years with your wife, staying up until dawn together is romantic. When you have kids, you will want to fight her to the death to avoid being the one who sees the sun come up.
70. Fatherhood is all about pretending neckties are the best gifts you ever received.
71. Being a dad is about creating a human when you aren't necessarily capable of putting together a bookcase without help.
Funny Father's Day Sayings
72. Thank you for all your advice over the years. As I get older, I just appreciate your deadpan jokes more and more!
73. Congratulations on having an amazing kid!
74. Happy Father’s Day from your favorite financial burdens.
75. You’re by far the best dad I could have asked for…until you start dancing!
76. Happy Father’s Day, Dad! I may not be the perfect kid, but it’s OK. I forgive you.
77. Your kids are PROOF that you are an awesome dad!
Funny Dad Captions
78. I'm smiling because I have you as a dad. I'm laughing because you can't do anything about it.
79. Dad, you're the cool parent. But I'll deny it if you tell Mom.
80. Life doesn't come with instructions, but it does come with a dad who always answers my calls.
81. Dad, thanks for saying 'yes' when Mom said 'no.'
82. Worst jokes. Best dad.
83. My dad taught me everything he knows. That's why I know nothing.
84. A good dad can talk to his kids. A great dad knows the art of negotiation.
85. Thanks for your genes! I turned out perfect!
86. World’s greatest farter … I mean father.
87. Dad, I can never repay you. Literally.
88. Thanks for killing all those spiders.
89. Dad, you're the Mufasa to my Simba, but don’t worry… I won’t let Scar throw you off a cliff.
90. Daddy, I love you more than YouTube (jks that's a lie).
91. I love this guy more than he loves his grill. (And that's a lot!)
Cute Dad Quotes
92. “My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.” — Jimmy Valvano
93. “A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.” — Gabriel Garcia Marquez
94. “The best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are real marshmallows.” — Richelle E. Goodrich, Slaying Dragons
95. “Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, singers of songs.” — Pam Brown
96. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” — Rita Rudner
97. “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” — Anne Geddes
98. “He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” — Clarence B. Kelland
Funny Things to Say to Your Dad
99. Thanks again, Dad, for not really killing any of the guys/girls I dated.
100. Dad, you make fatherhood look easy. But we know the truth.
101. “The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” — Tim Russert
Conclusion
Dads are superheroes in the real sense and making them laugh with funny dad quotes, captions, and sayings is just the perfect way to show how much you love, adore, and care for them. It doesn’t matter whether you are a son, daughter, or a friend, these humoristic quotes and sayings are apt for any gentleman who has newly entered fatherhood or has been winning the “best dad” titles for years. So, go ahead and brighten up every Father’s Day in the most waggish manner! We bet you will get some at the back for your kind gesture!
